|
|
|
|
|
|
|
... Chris Parnell
[ At Home Base, Chris Parnell, in casual clothes, addresses the camera. He's deadly serious and perhaps a little uncomfortable. ] Chris Parnell: [ slowly ] Hi, I'm Chris Parnell. I have a very big announcement to make. I think some of you are going to be shocked. I know I was a little amazed that they asked me to come out here and talk about this. We don't normally talk about these kinds of things on the show. But this is a big deal. A really big deal. That's why they asked me to come out here and tell you about it. [ takes a deep breath ] I am here to reveal -- for the first time anywhere -- the Secret of Tina Fey's Scar. [ nods ] Yes. I know. It's astonishing that we've been able to keep the lid on this for so long. It's been the subject of water cooler conversation and Internet gossip -- almost all of it completely false. The Enquirer and other tabloids have been trying to find out about this for some time now. Well, tonight I've been authorized to make a statement here on national television so we can put an end to the speculation, once and for all. [ He holds up a book - we can't quite make out what's on the cover. ] Chris Parnell: This is it, right here. This is ... the Secret of Tina Fey's Scar. [ nods, looks at the book, long pause ] It's the latest in the Nancy Drew mystery series. [ Close-up of the cover. Silhouette of a teenage girl holding a magnifying glass. The book's title: "The Secret of Tina Fey's Scar." ] Chris Parnell V/O: That's right -- the long-running juvenile mystery series about America's favorite teenage girl detective, Nancy Drew. [ Back to Parnell addressing the camera. ] Chris Parnell: [ as if telling a tale on Romper Room ] In this exciting installment, Nancy -- and her boyfriend Ned -- travel to New York City and meet the cast of Saturday Night Live. No sooner do they arrive than they encounter corruption, intrigue, and blackmail -- and that's just in Lorne's office. ... Yes, it's the latest in a special series of Nancy Drew mysteries that focus on the superficial physical characteristics of Saturday Night cast members. You may recall that the series began in 1978 with "The Adventure of Dan Aykroyd's Webbed Toes." And they're already planning next year's thriller: "The Mystery of Rachel Dratch's Enormous Hooters." ... So, if you need an overpriced Christmas gift that's as degrading as it is exploitative -- and you can't afford that SNL DVD Trivia Game -- be sure to pick up your copy of "The Secret of Tina Fey's Scar" wherever quality adolescent juvenile literature is sold. [ He looks a little sadly at the book. Applause. Band plays. Pull back for a long shot of the studio. Superimposed TEXT reads: "Coming up next: More increasingly lame sketch comedy." Fade to a real commercial. ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
