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Bus driver...Kenan Thompson Ed Kraft...Chris Parnell Norm Tripper...Robert DeNiro [SCENE: A bus. Ed Kraft is the only passenger, seated in the middle of the bus on the left side. He has a newspaper on his lap.] Bus driver: Next stop, 7th and Grove. [The bus stops and the driver opens the door. Norm Tripper boards the bus. Norm looks around for a place to sit and walks over to Ed Kraft and sits next to him. Ed Kraft turns his head annoyingly and begins to read his newspaper.] Norm Tripper: (cheerily) Hi! (Ed Kraft ignores him) Norm Tripper: (confused) Hello? (Ed Kraft continues to ignore him) Norm Tripper: (alarmed) Driver, stop this bus! This man is deaf! He'll never know when to get off! Bus driver: (turning around) Say what? Norm Tripper: This guy's deaf! Who knows how long he's been on the bus? He's probably missed his stop by now! Ed Kraft: (turns to Norm Tripper, annoyed) Look, I'm not deaf. Norm Tripper: (relieved) Oh, thank goodness! (to the driver) Sorry, sir. We've cleared things up. He isn't deaf. Bus driver: (annoyed) Okay then. Norm Tripper: (to Ed Kraft) Wait, if you're not deaf, why didn't you answer me when I was saying hello? Ed Kraft: Because you sat next to me! Norm Tripper: (confused) What's wrong with that? Ed Kraft: We're on an empty bus! You could have sat in any of the other seats! Norm Tripper: (taken aback, stunned, and then angry) Are you shouting at me? Ed Kraft: (sputtering) No, I mean... Norm Tripper: (getting angrier) Yes, you're shouting at me. I wanted to be a nice guy, sit next to you and spread a little cheer, but you're an ungrateful little snot. Not only do you ignore me, but then you have the nerve to shout at me? Ed Kraft: (terrified) Look, I'm sorry... Norm Tripper: (shakes his head in a negative manner) Oh, it's too late for sorry. Way too late. [SCENE: The bus, Later that evening. Ed Kraft is asleep. His body is spread out across two chairs. There are two other passengers onboard.] Bus driver: (to the passengers) Final stop of the night, Wichita Falls. All passengers must exit the bus at this time. (The two passengers get off but Ed Kraft remains) Bus driver: (annoyed) Hello? Buddy, it's time for you to get off! (Ed Kraft ignores him and continues to sleep) Bus driver: Hello! (frustrated, the driver walks back to Ed Kraft and shakes him awake) Hello? Time to get up and get off! Ed Kraft: (groggily) Oh, I'm sorry? (Ed Kraft starts to move his body up and he turns his head, revealing that he now has his newspaper going through his head, in one ear and out the other. It's stained red on one end.) I can't hear a word you're saying. I was supposed to get off at McGraw Hill. They're supposed to have a great hospital there. Did we pass that yet? [The bus driver laughs as Ed Kraft looks on confused as we fade out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
