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Announcer.....Chris Parnell Nick Lachey.....Seth Meyers Jessica Simpson.....Amy Poehler Ashlee Simpson.....Tina Fey Martin Sheen.....Robert De Niro Kermit The Frog.....Will Forte Cindy Simpson.....Rachel Dratch Billy Joel.....Horatio Sanz (A montage of holiday celebrations) Announcer: This holiday season the wonderful folks who brought you Desperate Housewives promo on Monday Night Football would like to present you, one of our most magical presentations ever. Get your family together for the Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey holiday special! (Close up of a mock living room with Nick & Jessica singing carols) Nick & Jessica: (singing) …that’s the jingle bell, that’s the jingle bell, that’s jingle bell rock! (Nick and Jessica start laughing hysterically slapping each other playfully) Nick Lachey: Hi, I’m Nick Lachey! Jessica Simpson: And I’m Jessica Simpson! Join us on Christmas Eve, as we sing Christmas carols, drink eggnog… Nick Lachey: …and celebrate the holidays with several random celebrities. Jessica Simpson: Like who, Nick? (Nick and Jessica hear a knock at the door.) Jessica: Why who could that be? (Nick goes up to answer the ‘front door’ of the fake TV house) Nick Lachey: Why look Jessica, it’s your sister Ashlee Simpson! Jessica Simpson: My sister! (Ashlee & Jessica hug) Do you want to sing some carols? Ashlee Simpson: You bet! (Cue music – “Do You Hear What I Hear?”) Jessica & Ashlee: (singing) Do you hear what I hear? Do you hear what I hear? (As Jessica is singing loudly, it is noticeable that Ashlee is not singing, but lip-syncing with the soundtrack) (Camera suddenly cuts to Nick Lachey by the stairway) Nick Lachey: Another classic holiday carol worth singing is ”Little Drummer Boy”. In the past, David Bowie and Bing Crosby sang the greatest version of that song. I’m Nick Lachey…and the best we could do for “name recognition” sake was…the one, the only… Martin Sheen. (Martin Sheen enters from the steps from upstairs of the fake TV house) Martin Sheen: Hello Nicholas, how are you doing? Nick Lachey: I’m doing fine, sir. You want go to the piano? Martin Sheen: Actually Nicholas, I think we could just stand here by the stairs, it would seem a bit too extreme to mock the originals by going to the piano. You don’t want to mock the originals, now do you? Nick Lachey: No sir. Martin Sheen: Nicholas, I’d prefer for you to call me, Mr. President. Nick Lachey: Okay, Mr. President. Jessica: Oh Mr. President I think you might want to come down a few steps because we got a really special friend to sing this song with you. Martin: What? (Martin Sheen walks down a few more steps to see Kermit the Frog sitting at the bottom of the stairs.) Kermit: Well Howdy ho their Mr. President. Martin: I am singing with a sock?! Jessica: Hey now Mr. President that’s not very nice. Kermit: Yeah lighten up man. Martin: Fine let’s do it. Martin: “Come they told me” Kermit: “Pa rum pum pum pum” Martin: “A new born king to see” Kermit: “Pa rum pum pum bum” Martin: Hey Kermit that isn’t right. Kermit: Oh gee, it was close enough; you try singing this song with a hand up your butt. (The scene changes to Nick and Jessica sitting back on the couch.) Announcer: And don’t forget to tune in for the special surprise guests such as Jessica Simpson’s little heard from sister Cindy Simpson. (Cindy Simpson walks in from the next-door kitchen wearing dirty ripped up clothes.) Cindy: Hey sis how are you doing, do you have any cash I could borrow? Jessica: Oh sure thing sis, just check the cookie jar in the kitchen and have a great holiday. Cindy: Yeah sure whatever. Announcer: That’s right you’ll never know what surprises may happen next. (A car slams through the front door window.) Jessica: Oh, Billy Joel! You silly man. (Billy Joel gets out of the car holding a bottle of beer.) Billy Joel: Who the hell puts a house out in the middle of the road? Announcer: Tune in for all of this and more on the wonderful world of ABC this holiday season! Where the magic lives! (The scene fades out as Martin Sheen bangs Kermit’s head against the wall, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson smile to the camera, and Billy Joel stumbles around his car.) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
