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Topher Grace.....Seth Meyers Robin Williams.....Will Forte Jennifer Garner.....Amy Poehler Ron Samperman.....Fred Armisen .....Paul Giamatti (Open to a still of the outside of the Beverly Hilton. SUPER: Sunday: January 16th, Golden Globes After-Party.) (Cut to inside the Hilton in the dining hall right by the bar. Topher Grace stands by the bar. Robin Williams struts by with his award in hand.) Topher: Oh... hello Mr. Williams. Robin: Ah my son, what can I do for you. Daddy must attend to his homies in Mexico. I am off! Topher: (confused) I don’t know what you’re talking about. I uh... I’m Topher Grace. An actor, from That 70's Show. Robin Williams: That’s great Matt Leblanc. Now would you care to join me in wine shots in the company of my Ford Taurus. Topher: uh well I uh... (Cut to Topher stumbling around the dining hall. He lets out a big belch.) Topher: No more drinkies for me! (He walks over to one table and collapses into his seat. He just sits there with a blank stare on his face. Jennifer Garner walks by his table. She stops and sits down.) Jennifer: Oh hey Topher Topher: (He seems to be still sober.) Hey Jennifer. Jennifer: You uh, did a good job presenting. Topher: I just want to go home and sleep! Jennifer: You don’t like award shows. Topher: I don’t like the Golden Globes. It’s the Oscars, but missing the awesome. It’s like a half eaten pizza. It’s still a pizza, but it’s cold and there’s only half. Jennifer: I saw you on SNL yesterday. Topher: Yeah uh, why did you decide to cancel. You don’t look sick, or injured. Jennifer: To be honest, it was Ben who wanted me to host in the first place. He just loves working with those people. God, I hated Amy Poehler, she acts like she runs the show or something. I just wanted to punch that bitch! I absolutely hated it when I hosted. Performing as freaks, and cheap musical numbers can sum up my hosting gig. So, I decided to back out. Topher: I saw your episode and it wasn’t that bad. At least you didn’t get any injuries. My ass still hurts from sitting on that pyramid from the art dealers sketch. Jennifer: I was hurt emotionally. I had to kiss Rachel Dratch. (cut to the Wake up Wakefield clip where Sheldon-Rachel and Jennifer kiss. Dissolve back into the scene.) Jennifer: So what are your plans tonight! Topher: My agent said to stick around here. I really don’t like mingling around with these stuffed shirts. He says it will help my public image. Jennifer: Just relax, and casually talk with people. Talk about That 70's Show. Topher: (He begins to get loud) I don’t want to be known for my role as Eric. Everyone thinks I’m this awkward, shrimpy guy! (He starts doing his Eric Forman "head waggle". His voice gets louder. The camera pans backwards to show him standing up making a scene as other people look on.) Topher: Look, I’m Eric Foreman, I get stoned and end up in weird predicaments! Who wants to go take a toke with Topher. Yes, my name is Topher. Like Christopher, but I’m Topher! Kind of like Andrew and Drew! (There is an awkward silence.) Jennifer: Well, you don’t have to worry about your image now! Topher: Jen, never do tequila shots with Robin Williams. (Topher walks out while singing the theme to Step by Step and stumbling along. Cut to the stage and backdrop of the dining hall. Speaker Ron Samperman stands by the podium and begins to speak.) Ron: Hi everyone, I’m Ron Samperman of the "Hollywood Foreign Press". How do you know I’m part of the HFP. Well... I’m foreign and I can bench press 40 pounds, ha ha! (No laughter or applause. Ron scowls at the audience and continues.) Ron: As you know, recent events have caused us all to take action. Members of the Foreign Press will be coming around to accept donations. Jennifer: It’s good that you are thinking about the Tsunami victims. Ron: Actually, the money is for us. Recently I discovered that the Golden Globes trophy can double as an exquisite sex toy. With the money we can create an even better award. It’ll be rounder, firmer, and have a non-stick diamond patterned surface. We need funds to help start the changes. (Paul Giamatti comes onto the stage.) Paul: Hey! Ron Superman, I have to just thank you guys again... for my award! Ron: It’s Samperman (a beat) not Superman. And the award was for the movie not you! Paul: Hey, hey, woah! Woah. Let’s calm down and think about this. My movie beat out Ray. My movie beat out a well put bio on Ray. My movie... Sideways(as he says it, he turns he cocks his head to the left and turns it sideways.) (Robin Williams makes his way onto the stage. He proceeds to grab the mic.) Robin: Hey there! I uh, I say to you all at the academy. Good Morning Hilton! Paris Hilton in my case! Here’s a quick impression of Janet Jackson’s boob. (He rips off his shirt and plays with his breast. He stumbles around knocking over Ron Samperman. Paul’s head is still sideways and he doesn’t seem to notice.) Robin: I love Dutch! (He looks nauseosus and he vomits all over Paul Giamatti. Paul looks at his vomit covered self) Paul: Hey... I’m covered in vomit. That’s perfect for Saturday Night Live. I’m Vomit-Dude, and no one loves me coz I’m covered in vomit! Ha ha, that’ll sell, cause they call me... "The token white guy from Big Momma’s House!" (Fades to black) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
