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Mr. Gray...Paul Giamatti Gregory...Kenan Thompson Julia...Maya Rudolph Brian...Rob Riggle Stephen...Seth Meyers (opening in a discussion room with round table and Mr. Gray with five lower executives-two are extras that are not castmembers) Mr. Gray: Well, ladies and gentlemen, the first quarter is now over for Jellico Mouse Pad Industries. Jellico is now the #2 mouse pad maker in the country. (everybody claps) Mr. Gray: That's right, we are on our way up. But now I have an engineer with us that would like to be part of the business aspect of our company. Gregory: Does he have any experience, Mr. Gray? Mr. Gray: Well, I'm not sure. You're going to have to ask him yourself. Julia: Is he a good worker? Mr. Gray: Well, he is my boss's nephew. Brian: Okay, let's meet him. (enters man dressed up like the executives and supervisor and is carrying a covered piece of cardboard) Stephen: Hello, everyone, my name is Stephen. Did anyone catch that Knicks game last night, whoooo! Brian: Yeah, that was great. Stephen: Yeah, I have season tickets if anybody wants them. Gregory: That would be great. Mr. Gray: I told you he was something, uh? Okay, now Stephen, I heard you had a graph for us with our company's earnings. If this works out, I have no problem with giving you a berth in our business portion of our mouse pad production. Stephen: Well, here it is...the graph. (Stephen uncovers the graph and shows a big piece of cardboard with a zigzag line on it) Stephen: Now, right here is where we begin dropping off in the...(notices everybody staring at it with confused bewilderment)...is there a problem? Mr. Gray: Uh, what is this? Stephen: It's...it's the graph. Mr. Gray: The graph of what? Stephen: Of the company! Julia: But, there are no labels or title or anything. Brian: What is it a graph of? Stephen: It is a graph of...(struggling)...of the... Mr. Gray: Okay, just calm down now. Stephen, I want you to come in tomorrow with a graph that best describes our production cycle. I know you can do it. Stephen: I'll give it 110%, sir. And I apologize. Here's a Knicks ticket. Mr. Gray: Thank you, Steve. Gregory: Good luck, Steve. (Stephen leaves) Brian: That is one hell of a great guy. (The next day, Tuesday, executives in room) Mr. Gray: Julia, send Stephen in. (Stephen enters with the covered board) Julia: I know you'll do great. Stephen: Hey, everybody what's up? Anybody catch CSI: Miami last night. It was a rerun but it was still good. Brian: I watch that show every night. It's the best. Mr. Gray: Okay, buddy, what have you got for us today? Stephen: Well, I apologize yet again for my graph yesterday. Maybe it was the nerves getting the best of me that day. Here is the graph. (uncovers the graph which looks eerily the same as yesterday) Stephen: Now, the first quarter earnings from last year are lower than this year's. So, this is an obvious profit gain for our company. As we can see from the... Gregory: Hold on one minute. Um, this is the same graph as yesterday. Brian: It looks like you just turned it to the side to make it look different. Mr. Gray: And again there are no labels or title or anything. No numbers to discern what is high or low. No axes, just a zigzag line throughout the middle of the paper. Stephen: (sadly) I am so, so sorry. I am just so nervous. Mr. Gray: Look, Stevie, I know it is tough, but I know you can do it. You have the talent to do this. I am going to give you two days this time. And I want the best damn graph you can come up with. I want it to be flashy, exciting and innovative. You can do it, Steve. I know you can. Stephen: I won't let any of you down. Goodbye, and Thursday, I will have the most spectacular graph in the world. Julia: Go get 'em, Steve. Brian: We believe in you. (Thursday, boardroom with executives) Mr. Gray: What is taking Stephen so long? Julia: Oh, I forgot to tell you, Stephen called in sick today. Mr. Gray: (short pause) Alright. (everyone gets up to leave to go home) Julia: It's still 8:00 in the morning. Mr. Gray: Oh, yeah. (all sit down) (Friday, boardroom with executives) Stephen: (enters with covered graph) Hey, everybody, what a beautiful day today, huh? Man, did anybody go to that Modest Mouse concert? That group is going places. I love that song, I forget what it's... Mr. Gray: Alright, shut up with the meaningless banter. We have been waiting all week for this graph of yours. I wanted it Monday. We are fed up. Now, I don't care who you are related to, give us what you have right now. Stephen: Alright, you people are professionals. And I respect you in every aspect of the company. Here it is. The graph! (Stephen uncovers the graph) Mr. Gray: (stares at graph) What the hell is that? Stephen: (smiling) It is your graph. Mr. Gray: This graph has stickers of flowers all over it. Stickers of a sun with a smile on its face. Stickers of a horse eating the grass on the graph!!!!! Stephen: You don't like it. Mr. Gray: Look, Steve, it is obvious that you have a learning disability. Gregory: We are all going to make sure you get the proper help you need. Stephen: To be honest with you, I really didn't understand what you wanted me to do. I stole the cardboard graph model from a Kinko's downtown. I just thought it would make me look professional. I guess I have wasted your time all week. I am so, so, so, so, sorry. Mr. Gray: You know, that speech you just gave made me think. There should be more people like you to run businesses. Your never-say-die attitude is an example of what every company should be. Stephen: Does that mean I get the job? Mr. Gray: No. (gets on the phone) Security, please escort Stephen out of the building. Stephen: Forget that. I'll just let myself out. (goes through door) Mr. Gray: Steve, that's the closet. Stephen: (exits closet) I love all of you. Mr. Gray: Get out. (fade) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
