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Sailor 1...Rob Riggle Sailor 2...Fred Armisen Sailor 3...Will Forte Sailor 4...Seth Meyers Captain...Darrell Hammond (sailors sitting on lifeboat in the middle of the ocean) Sailor 1: I wonder what happened. Sailor 2: With what? Sailor 1: The ship sinking. Sailor 2: Oh, yeah. Sailor 3: How could you forget? It happened 2 days ago. I think it was 2 days ago. Sailor 2: I thought he was talking about something else. Sailor 4: What? Sailor 2: I thought he was talking about why the cole slaw tasted like grass. Sailor 4: Yeah, I was thinking about that, too. Sailor 1: But I was trying to think of why the ship sank. I mean, I thought we did everything correctly. Sailor 3: Yeah, I mean we did everything the captain said, right? Sailor 1: Yeah, except we may have bent the corners around a little bit. Sailor 3: How so? Sailor 1: Well, when the captain told me to check the gauges on the ship's board, I kind of did it half-assed. Sailor 3: Well, what did you do? Sailor 1: Well, it was more like what I didn't do. You see, the captain asked me to check to see if the air pressure in the cabin was too high, and if the petrol in the tank was too low. Or was it the other way around? I'm really not sure. Sailor 3: Well, that's kind of what happened to me. I was walking down the corridor last week with the captain, and he wanted to make sure that we weren't carrying too much weight on the boat. Sailor 4: So? Sailor 3: Well, I told him that the only stuff we had was the food supplies and the tools to help fix anything in the cabins of the ship. Well, I kind of forgot to tell him that I brought aboard about a hundred illegal aliens on board, along with all their possessions that included bicycles and such. I wonder where they are now? Sailor 4: They must have drowned being in the lower cargo area. Sailor 3: Oh, yeah. Sailor 4: Well, I may have made one mistake as well. Sailor 1: Like what? Sailor 4: I was in charge of purchasing the lifeboats for the ship. Buying one may not have been a good idea. Let's just say I don't know what a bargain is. Sailor 1: You're not a good shopper, eh? Sailor 4: No, I don't know what the word 'bargain' means. I have never heard it before. I just thought we needed one lifeboat anyway. Sailor 2: Well, I shouldn't have been so lazy either. Hey, everyone cuts corners every once in a while, right? Sailor 4: Well, what did you do? Sailor 2: I put too much grass in the cole slaw. (sailors roll their eyes) Sailor 1: Well, all of these things don't seem to talk about how the ship sank. Sailor 2: What about the captain over there? (captain is laying down, unconscious but groaning) Sailor 3: Who was in charge of bringing the insulin aboard for the captain? Sailor 4: Probably one of the dead guys. Sailor 2: Who? Sailor 4: Our fellow sailors that drowned. (captain awakens from light coma) Captain: Boys, boys. Sailor 3: What is it, captain? Captain: If I die before you reach land, you can eat me. (sailors show no expression or surprise) Captain: Did you here what I said? Sailor 3: It's just that we already started eating you. Captain: What? Sailor 1: Yeah, we thought you were dead. Sailor 2: I didn't. (captain faints, fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
