|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Paul.....Paul Giamatti Jay/Himself.....Chris Parnell .....Jennifer Aniston Bartender.....Rob Riggle Announcer.....Darrell Hammond (Fade in) (Image of a spinning news paper headline “Brad & Jennifer separate; Jennifer on the prowl for rebound action”) (Fade in on a singles bar) (Close up of Jennifer Aniston drinking at the bar) (Enter “Two Losers” Paul & Jay; they both approach Jennifer) Jay: Hello my lady, don’t I know you from somewhere? Jennifer Aniston: Probable…I’m a well know TV and Film actress. Jay: Ah…that would be it. Hey Paul, what do you think? The body of “Mary Tyler Moore”, the smile of “Cybill Shepard”… Paul: I have no idea who this woman is! Jay: Sorry, we are both drawing a blank on your name. Jennifer Aniston: I’m Jennifer Aniston. Paul: What show are you from, exactly? Jennifer Aniston: Just this underground show called “Friends”. Maybe you’ve heard of it. Jay: Ah, yes…”Friends” with that funny fellow…what’s his name? Paul: Tim Conway? Jennifer Aniston: You losers really have no clue what show I was on, do you? Jay: I can’t say we do. Jennifer Aniston: Oh come on! It’s on TBS all the time! Paul: Ah, TBS…sorry, we don’t watch that network. We like the oldies much better. Jay: TV Land…and Nick at Nite. Paul: True classics. Jennifer Aniston: Are you jokers playing a fool or what? Paul: Sadly, yes. Yes, we were. Jay: We love your work, Ms. Aniston. “Friends” was one of our favorite shows. Paul: It still is! We heard a rumor you were going to be here tonight, and we want to comfort you, now that you are separated from Brad. Did he hurt you? I’ll kick his ass, if you want me too! Jay: Easy Paul! Ms. Aniston, we’d like to buy you a drink and sing you a song. What are you having? (Jay walks over to the piano; asks the piano player for accompaniment) Jennifer Aniston: A martini. Paul: Bartender, another martini for the lovely lady. (Paul joins his friend by the piano) Jay: This is to a truly lovely lady. (Jay & Paul start singing “I’ll Be There For You (Theme from Friends)” Jay: I’ll be there for you… Paul: I’ll be there for you… Paul & Jay: Because you’re there for me, too. Jay: I’ll be there for you… Paul: I’ll be there for you… Paul & Jay: Because you’re giving us boners right now! (Outraged, Jennifer gets off her bar stool and hits the losers over their heads with her purse) Jennifer Aniston: You bastards! I was considering sleeping with you guys tonight, but not if you’re going to joke about a show about friends…and make vulgar comments about how you get boners when you watch reruns of my show. Damn it! I’m out of here! (Jennifer rushes out of the bar) Jay: Well Paul, I least we can tell the success story of how we got beaten off by the star of “Along Came Polly”. Paul: Good point, my friend. Bartender, another beer please! (Bartender walks over) Bartender: Jay, you want me to better that up for you? Jay: (like Chandler from “Friends”) Could I be any better? (Stage lights come up) (Parnell rushes off the set to catch Jennifer) Chris Parnell: Jennifer, Jennifer, thanks for making the cameo! Jennifer Aniston: No problem. It was fun. Did you write that piece? Chris Parnell: Guilty as charged. Jennifer Aniston: It was good. Kind of obscure at first, but it was a great finish. Chris Parnell: Well thank you. Tell me, what are you doing now? Jennifer Aniston: Well, nothing…I’m probably just going to head to the after show party. Chris Parnell: Would you like to go have some hot sex in my dressing room? Jennifer Aniston: Hmm…very confident in yourself! I like that. I’d love to have some sex in your dressing room. Chris Parnell: Sounds good. Let’s go! (Parnell rushes off with Aniston) (Freeze Frame as Parnell looks back at the camera with a shitty grin on his face) (Fade to black) (Text begins to scroll up from the bottom of the television screen) Announcer: And so ends another great “booty call” story for Chris Parnell. He banged that back end like it was the series finale of “Friends”…for 65 minutes in a prime time special event! He’s Chris Parnell; he puts the “I CAN” in American! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
