|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Becky.....Amy Poehler Alphanerd.....Paul Giametti Shannon.....Rachel Dratch Kim.....Maya Rudolph Nerd1.....Horatio Sanz Nerd2.....Rob Riggle Nerd3.....Fred Armisen Nerd4.....Keenan Thompson .....Stan Lee Dad.....Chris Parnnell [Scene: Becky, Kim and Shannon are standing in the foreground while a Nerd Con 2005 banner that reads ‘NerdCon 2005 Comicstravaganza!’ hangs in the background and nerdlings mill about inbetween. The three women are dressed in a fashion ill fitting a lady.] Becky: Alright girls, here we go. We’re gonna get us some husbands. Kim: Cha, like, why are we picking up nerds again? Shannon: Because nerds turn into rich nerds when they grow up. Becky: Yeah. This room is filled with future Bill Gateses. [As Becky says this, the shot pans across to reveal nerds dressed up like superheroes and such...not looking like they have any hope of being Bill Gateses.] Becky: Did you guys read those comic books I gave you? Kim: Cha, like, I looked at the pictures. Cha, Green Lantern? Shannon: I read mine but I was offended by it. I mean, they call it the X-men but there are women on the team. I think that, to be fair, it should be called the X-people or perhaps in keeping with current popular culture: the X-posse. Becky: Those are valid arguments Shannon. We’ll bring them up if Stan Lee shows! Shannon: Who’s Stan Lee? Becky: He’s some old comic book guy. Kim: Cha, like, is that the old dude you were dating, Becky? Becky: No, that was Shannon’s dad, stupid. Now can we focus? Shannon: You were the one dating my dad? Becky: It was purely sexual Shannon. Now get out there and land a husband. [Becky pushes Shannon out into a nerd. Cut to Shannon and Nerd1] Shannon: Hey there. Nerd1: Uh...uh...okay....hi. Shannon: Wow, you must be a mutant. Nerd1: Wuh? Shannon: Yeah. Cuz you have the uncanny ability to (sexy like)turn...me...on... [Nerd1 falls to the ground. Nerd2 comes into scene.] Nerd2: (talking into a Star Trek communicator on his shirt. Loud and serious)Code 3.14159265358, code 3.14159265358. Nerd down. I repeat nerd down... [Shannon steps back and out of scene slowly. Cut to a shot of the three ladies again.] Becky: Real subtle Shannon. Get out there Kim. [Becky pushes Kim out of scene. Stay on Becky and Shannon.] Shannon: You know, my mom was really upset about my Dad... Becky: Look, I didn’t make your mom fat did I? Shannon: No...damn u Krispy Kreme donuts. Damn u. [Cut to Kim standing next to nerd3.] Kim: Cha, like, is that a green lantern in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? [Nerd3 slowly takes a green lantern out of his pocket. There is an awkward silence.] Kim: Cha, like, oh. [Cut back to Becky and Shannon. A dejected Kim enters the scene.] Becky: Pathetic. Watch the master. [Exit Becky. Stay on Kim and Shannon. Shannon begins to cry and leans on Kim’s shoulder] Shannon: (crying)I miss my Dad... Kim: Cha, like, awww. Cha, like, I think I saw him at a strip club last week. [Shannon lets out a big sob.] Kim: Cha, like, it’s okay. Cha, like, he’s a good tipper. (consolingly)Cha, like, really, he is. [Cut to Becky next to Nerd4 dressed as The Flash.] Becky: Hey there...are you Spiderman? Because I feel like a naughty green goblin all out of exploding pumpkins. All I can do is wait...wait for you to hit me and trap me forever more, with your web of seduction... Nerd4: Um...I’m actually The Flash. Becky: The Flash? Fine, well what does he do? Nerd4: He runs fast. [Nerd4 runs out of scene leaving Becky behind. Enter Kim and Shannon.] Kim: Cha, like, I think this is hopless. Becky: Yeah...I guess maybe... [Enter AlphaNerd.] Becky: There he is! Shannon: Daddy? Becky: No stupid, the alpha nerd! [Cut to shot of AlphaNerd surrounded by nerdlings. Action follows Becky’s dialogue.] Becky: (offscreen)Notice how the others flock towards the alpha nerd to try and win his approval. The alpha nerd, while acknowledging the others, always remains one step ahead of his counterparts. X-men #12, that’s pretty good nerd...but wait, what does the alpha nerd have. X-men #1 baby. Oh wait, another challenger. An Amazing Spiderman #1, signed by Stan Lee. Ohhh that is something...wait, he’s motioning to someone. What does the alpha nerd have up his sleeve... [Stan Lee enters and high fives the alpha nerd.] Becky: (offscreen)Stan Lee himself!!! (cut back to the trio of ladies)Oh he is the one I must have. Mmm, he looks like he’s in mint condition. Shannon: I don’t know about you Becky. Your liberal attitudes are just too much. Judge me if you want but I’m a conservative at heart.. Being a nerd is not natural. It’s a choice and it’s the wrong choice. You can think me some kind of right wing lunatic if you wish, but frankly, I’m going to go buy some shoes and forget that nerds even exist. Kim: Cha, like, yeah. If I want to marry rich, I’ll just marry a rich old dude. (a beat. Overly sweet tone.)Cha, like, say Shannon, why don’t we go look for your Dad... Shannon: Omigoodness...u are such a good friend...I luv u Kimchi... [Shannon hugs her friend with back to the camera. Kim winks stupidly at Becky and then points at Shannon and mouths ‘HER DAD’ and then makes money motion with her hand and then a slipping a ring on her finger motion ending with a thumbs up.] Kim: Cha, like, let’s go daughter...I mean dear. [Kim winks stupidly at Becky. Kim and Shannon exit.] Becky: Here goes nothing... [Becky walks up to alpha nerd and their eyes meet and music plays. Surrounding nerds and Stan Lee melt away as the two look each other in the eyes. The shot gets closer until it shows just their faces. It looks like they’re about to kiss but instead each of their hands come up as they put their respective hands on the other’s face and do the ‘Vulcan Mind-Meld’ to each other. Shot cuts to Stan Lee.] Stan Lee: And yes true believers, Becky did land her man and went to live in his castle just as she had always dreamed. [Cut to establishing shot. External shot of a house. Super ‘10 years later’. Cut to internal shot of a shoddy basement scene. Becky and Alphanerd sit together on the couch.] Dad: (offscreen)Harold! Harold! Alphanerd: What is it Dad? Dad: (offscreen)Me and your mother are going out this evening so you two will have to get something to eat for yourselves. Alphanerd: (to Dad)Okay. (to Becky) How does KFC sound baby? Becky: (looks dissapointed)Uhhh...okay I guess. Alphanerd: Cool. (a beat)How about a backrub? Becky: (smiling, total contenance change)Sure. Alphanerd: Meeting you, those oh so many years ago, was the best thing that ever happened to me. One day, we’ll move out of my parent’s basement and we’ll have a place of our own. Maybe an apartment even...but most likely a basement suite at my Aunt’s place. Becky: (smiling, sweetly)No worries. I’m happy here...I’m happy anywhere...with you. [Becky closes her eyes and has a smile of fufillment on her face as she gets a backrub from AlphaNerd. Stan Lee enters scene.] Stan Lee: EXCELSIOR! [Stan Lee sits between Becky and Alphanerd and they all share an awkward moment on the couch.] [Fade Out to The Crash Test Dummies ‘Superman Song’] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
