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Donald Trump.....Darrell Hammond Wedding Planner.....Amy Poehler The Sun.....Kenan Thompson The Caterers.....Fred Armisen, Will Forte, Seth Meyers, Rob Riggle Melania Knauss.....Maya Rudolph The Priest.....Chris Parnell (Fade in) (Somewhere on the beach in Florida) Donald Trump: Okay, here is how “The Donald” wants it. I want all the food here and band to play there…and when the priest says, “You may kiss the bride”, I want fireworks to go off and the sun to set on cue! Wedding Planner: Mr. Trump, I don’t think that’s going to be possible. It’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon. The wedding starts in 15 minutes. You can’t make the sun set on cue…it happens when it happens. Donald Trump: If you can’t handle that, then I guess…(makes the “you’re fired” gesture) you’re unemployed! (The Wedding Planner walks away) Donald Trump: Hey Sun! How much money is it going to cost to have you set in less than a half-hour? The Sun: About a billion dollars. Donald Trump: It’s done! The check is in the mail! You fellas are the caterers? Okay, I want a bunch of tables with food on them…’uge…’uge tables with a ‘uge varieties of food. Fred: Mr. Trump, I think it may take some time if you want all the food to be here. You should have called us ahead of time… Donald Trump: I don’t want to hear your bitching! Make like Nike and…just do it! Fred: Mr. Trump, come on! Donald Trump: Do you want me to say it or not? Fred: Do what you do best! Donald Trump: (makes the “you’re fired” gesture) You don’t have a job anymore! (The group of caters walk off the beach) (Melania Knauss enters, walks up to Donald) Melania Knauss: Donald, what’s going on? Donald Trump: Melania, baby, I’m not supposed to see you before the wedding! Melania Knauss: Honey, the guests are arriving and the caterers just walked away. Where is the wedding planner, baby? You didn’t fire them did you, honey? You promised you wouldn’t fire anyone today. Not on my wedding day! Donald Trump: Baby, I had to get rid of them. First rule of business ethics: if someone can’t do the job right, you get rid of them and do it your self! Melania Knauss: Remind me why I’m marrying you! Donald Trump: Because I’m sexy, I’m handsome and you love me! What am I saying, who am I kidding? This is a marriage of money! Money, money, money…I’m talking about money! Melania Knauss: Baby, my parents are here. (Melania Knauss rushes off the beach) (Donald Trump sets tables up) (The Priest approaches Donald) The Priest: Mr. Trump, are we about to get started? Donald Trump: Father, can you help me with the tables? The Priest: Sure. You know Donald, I notice the sun has been setting rather quickly and it’s only about 2:10 in the afternoon. Donald Trump: I used my money and power to have the sun set on cue when you say, “You may kiss the bride”. The Priest: You know, Donald, money can buy you many things in life: cars, houses, and a reality show on NBC. But money cannot buy you love. Donald Trump: Yes it can, Father, when you are as rich as I am! The Priest: Point taken. Mr. Trump, you may need to look out into the ocean. I don’t think Mother Nature got that memo. Donald Trump: Why’s that? The Priest: It seems a huge tidal wave is coming this way. I’m getting the heck out of here! (Camera pans to a huge tidal wave coming towards the beach) Donald Trump: Come and get me! (Donald proceeds to be splashed several times with water) Donald Trump: Mother Nature, I’m finally going to say it. You’re fired! Oh yeah, one more thing. "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!" Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
