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Angel.....Paris Hilton Damsel.....Amy Poehler Jewfish.....Rob Riggle Guppy1.....Seth Meyers Guppy 2.....Fred Armisen Guppy 3.....Rachel Dratch [Open to a tropical ocean floor. A standard tropical fish, Angel, (Hilton - wearing a foam fish suit) lounges on a beach lounge chair set up luxuriously on the open sand floor reading a magazine. She flips the page and there is a beat before a second fish, Damsel, (Poehler - also in a foam fish suit) joins the Angel at a second beach lounge chair set up next to the first.] Damsel: What are you reading? Angel: The latest issue of Coral magazine. Damsel: Anything good? [She begins rubbing lotion over her body] Angel: No, it's the same old thing: Has your love life gone belly up? 4 Ways to slim your lateral line, and 20 new spawning positions. Damsel: Can you put some sun block on? That spot right beneath the dorsal fin is so hard to reach. Angel: Oh sure. [She reaches over and begins rubbing lotion on Damsel when a large bubble floats in over Angel's head.] Damsel: You've got an instant message. [Angel reaches up and pops the bubble.] Jewfish OS: Blurp-blub-urble-urp Angel: All this new communication technology is great, but the reception can be so bad. Damsel: Who was that? Angel: No one-yet .. don't tell but it's this amazing jewfish. Damsel: The grouper? Angel: Yeah. Damsel: Eww! He looks old and saggy. Angel: Don't knock it till you try it, plus he's loaded with shells. He told me I could count them. Damsel: That's so unbelievably tacky. You have the worst taste in generally opposite gendered fish. Angel: That is not true. Damsel: What about Ray? Angel: The Cownose? That was so last tide; I can't believe you'd bring that up. Damsel: I'm just pointing out your trend for disastrously disgusting fish. Angel: Whatever, did you hear about Cherubfish? She pooed in public, and got caught by the puffer. Damsel: Ugh, you know he's just blowing his own horn. Angel: Totally, he feels bigger by making others feel small. Damsel: What a prick. Angel: And then Jellyfish would not let her live it down. Damsel: It's like he thinks his poo smells like freshwater. Angel: Actually it does. Damsel: Really? Angel: Yep, isn't that interesting? Damsel: To be honest, I don't see why it's such a big deal, everybody does it. Angel: But we ignore it, because it's disgusting and that's the most proper way to deal with disgusting things. Damsel: And yet we don't ignore your male fish friends. Angel: (turns away from Damsel) I'm ignoring you. Damsel: Whatever, my point is that I think we should poo out and proud. I don't want to be an in the closet pooper. Angel: In the what? Damsel: Closet? Angel: What's that? Damsel: I don't know, I saw it in - in passing. Angel: You read a people's magazine - that's filthy! Damsel: I can't help it! They're disgusting but they're like one of those giant eels with the tumors growing out of his eyes; you can't look away. The more you try the more you stare - it's an addiction of smut! Angel: It's okay; I don't hold it against you. They're so foul, like that thing they do: walking when they.. Damsel: Oh yeah, how stupid. (Gets up out of the lounge chair and begins rolling on the ground) Look at me! I'm transporting myself from point A to point B - this is SOOO efficient and clean! (Rolls some more - the jewfish (Riggle-wearing a foam fish suit) swims by) Angel: Stop! (Jumping up from the lounge chair.) How could you? That was my Jewfish, he's going to hate me now, he'll think I'm immature or that I like people, or being filthy and gross. Damsel: Some of them like it dirty. Angel: I'm so embarrassed. [An instant message bubble floats in. Hesitantly Angel reaches up and pops it.] Jewfish OS: Good luck getting the sand out of your nares - ps. Nice lateral line. Angel: He was checking you out! Damsel: No he wasn't. Angel: I can't believe you! Look at me (rolling in the sand) I'm walking! Damsel: There's no need to be spiteful. Angel: Look I'm so funny - can you believe how unbelievably funny I am? Damsel: Your pelvic fin just popped out. [Three smaller fish swim up (Meyers, Armisen, Dratch), over excited.] Damsel: See, now you're teasing the guppies. [Angel composes herself.] Angel: I'm sorry, I over reacted. Damsel: Yes you did. Angel: Shut up! He's coming back! Pretend like you're not here. [Angel primps as the Jewfish approaches; she sticks out her pectoral area and jets her chin up in the air, her mouth is doing that open-close kissy motion fish do. Damsel sits back into the lounge chair and fish picks up Coral Magazine. The Jewfish walks just past Angel, turns back to look at her, she makes an exaggerated head motion - a la a human flipping her hair over her shoulder - and then a giant hook comes and catches Angel by the mouth carrying her away. The Jewfish shrugs and sits in the empty lounge chair.] Jewfish: Want to count my shells? [Damsel smiles and holds up Coral magazine.] Damsel: In 20 different spawning positions. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
