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Robbie...Seth Meyers Kenny...Kenan Thompson Louie...Horatio Sanz Robbie's father...Will Forte ...Paris Hilton Father Jim...Chris Parnell [SCENE: Robbie's bedroom. Robbie is talking with his friends Kenny and Louie.] Robbie: I'm telling you guys, it's totally going to work. Kenny: (skeptically) I don't know, man... Louie: (agreeing with Kenny) I don't think it's going to work. Robbie: (reassuring) Trust me, it will. (emphatically) It has to! Kenny: If you say so. I just don't think lying to the Make-A-Wish Foundation is a good idea. [Robbie's father knocks on the door and pokes his head into the room] Robbie's father: Robbie, you have a visitor here to see you. Should I let her in? Robbie: Yeah, thanks. (turns to Kenny and Louie) Okay, guys, get out of here. I'll let you know what happens. Louie: (pats Robbie on the back) Have fun, man. [Kenny, Louie, and Robbie's father leave the room as Paris Hilton enters.] Paris Hilton: You're Robbie? (shakes his hand) It's nice to meet you. Robbie: Yeah, it's totally nice to meet you. Paris Hilton: So, what's up? They didn't tell me what your problem was. Robbie: (fakes sadness) Well, I'm dying. Paris Hilton: (surprised) Oh really? That's so hot. (Robbie gives her a surprised look) Paris Hilton: So, what do you have? Robbie: (stammering) Oh, well, have you heard of...(looks around and sees a poster on his wall of the White Stripes)...a condition called "White Striped Lungs?" Paris Hilton: No. Robbie: (relieved) Great! (becomes serious) I mean, that's what I have. My lungs are lined with deadly white stripes. The doctors tell me I'll be dead in three months. Paris Hilton: (surprised) Wow. So, what did you want to do? I've got my whole day cleared to do whatever you want. Robbie: Well, now that you mention it, there is one thing I'd like to do. And we wouldn't even have to leave my bedroom, if you catch my drift. Paris Hilton: Oh, you want me to clean your room? I had to do that for someone once on "The Simple Life." Robbie: (annoyed) No. I was thinking more along the lines of some activity on the bed. Paris Hilton: (surprised) You want to jump on the bed together? Robbie: (frustrated) No. (pauses) Well, maybe eventually, but I was hoping we could "get to know each other" first. Paris Hilton: (finally catching on) Oh, okay. Why didn't you say so? (she begins to remove her top) Robbie: (excited) Yes! Everything is coming up Robbie! [SCENE: Three months later. A funeral is being held for Robbie. Robbie's body has been placed in a casket and is on display. Robbie's father is standing next to Father Jim. Father Jim is currently speaking.] Father Jim: (preaching) We may never know how Robbie contracted those twenty-four venereal diseases, but what we do know is that their combined influence, coupled with an unknown case of juvenile diabetes, ended his young life in its prime! He will be sorely missed, not only for his companionship, but also for his ability to get 100% in the "Grand Theft Auto" video games before any of his friends! [Cut to Kenny and Louie sitting together] Kenny: (whispering to Louie) You know the Christina Aguilera thing? Let's cancel that. Louie: (whispering to Kenny) You got it. [FADE OUT] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
