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.....Jason Bateman .....Justine Bateman Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen.. Jason Bateman! [ the audience cheers with excitement ] Jason Bateman: Thank you, thank you! Well, it's about time I hosted "Saturday Night Live." I've appeared in numerous television and film projects over the years, and have waited and waited to receive the call to host "SNL." Especially over the last seventeen years, since the time my older sister, Justine, hosted the show. [ Jason extends his hand to the camera, as the screen dissolves to clip of Justine Bateman's monologue from 1988 ] [ dissolve back to Jason grinning remorsefully, as the audience applauds ] [ the audience suddenly thunders with applause and tears as a beaming Justine Bateman appears at Home Base ] Justine Bateman: Thank you! Thank you! Jason Bateman: [ as the applause dies down ] Justine. What are you doing here? Justine Bateman: I'm just so excited that my kid brother is finally hosting "Saturday Night Live!" Yes, I did host the shoe years ago. I was the first person in our family to do that - please hold your applause! Jason Bateman: God, I'm so tired of living in your shadow. Because, I'll tell you - it's not easy being the younger sibling of a star like Justine Bateman. It has pained me to walk in your footsteps all these years, sis. Justine Bateman: Well, I really don't blame you, Jason. It's not easy growing up, when your older sister gets to do everything before you do. I mean, let's face it - I was the first one to get a driver's license.. the first to star in a major network TV series.. I was the first to get a driver's license.. and I was the first to get married and have children. Jason Bateman: See, that's what I mean. I never get to do anything before you. Everything I've achieved in life already has your fingerprints on it. Justine Bateman: That's not entirely true, Jason. You know your wife, Amanda? Jason Bateman: Of course. What about her? Justine Bateman: That's where you have me beat. You were the first one of us who slept with her. Jason Bateman: [ smiling ] That's right! Finally! Something I got to do before you! I was the first! [ laughs maniacally, then stops and gasps ] Wha..? Amanda? Justine Bateman: You don't see me complaining about seconds. Jason Bateman: I don't.. Aman -- Amanda..? [ stunned, Jason wanders off stage ] Justine Bateman: [ to the audience ] Alright. So, anyway, we have a great show for you tonight. Kelly Clarkson is here. Stick around, and Jason will be right back. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
