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Debbie.....Hilary Swank Roger.....Will Forte Cop.....Chris Parnell Priest.....Rob Riggle Man.....Seth Meyers Monster.....Fred Armisen Announcer.....Don Pardo (The scene begins in black and white with two lovers, Roger and Debbie, sitting in a mustang holding hands on a mountainside.) Roger: Gee whiz Debbie it sure is great that you wanted to go steady with me. Debbie: Oh I love being with you Roger, you're nice and normal not like some other people I know. Roger: Oh that's so sweet of you Debbie. Debbie: I know you'll take care of me if any of those horrible creatures come after us. Roger: Now Debbie you know all that talk about those things is a bunch of hooey. (Roger and Debbie hold hands and smile.) Announcer: For normal couple Roger and Debbie it began just like any other night at Lover's Lane, but before their night was over they would see a terror that they would never forget! Debbie: Oh Roger AHH! Roger: Oh my god we have to get out of here! Debbie: Drive Roger Drive! Roger: It won't start. Debbie: It's too late. (The scene shows a 100 foot pink robot standing over a poorly designed miniature set.) Announcer: You'll be full of chills and horror that you never thought possible when you see GAY ROBOT MONSTER! (The scene changes to a police station where a 1950's cop is answering phones.) Officer: (sarcastic) Alright Ma'am we'll get right on that giant problem. Goodbye. (A priest walks in and approaches the officer in a panic.) Priest: Officer you have to do something, a gay robot monster is attacking the city with radical ideas against the rules in the bible. Officer: Father do you realize how crazy you sound, have you been getting too much into the sacramental wine? Priest: Just look out the window! (The scene changes to the gay robot standing in the middle of a miniature city.) Monster: Does anybody think I look fat, I think I look fat! Oh wow I see you on the street Mr. Suit man you're a cutie, your coming with me. (The scene changes to a man on a street corner looking up.) Man: No, No AHHH! (The robot picks the man up and puts him on his shoulder. The man is just a doll figure when it's put on the monster's shoulder. The scene changes to the officer and the priest back in the police station, horrified. The officer picks up the phone.) Officer: Get me the President! (The scene changes back into the street as Debbie looks up at the gay robot monster.) Announcer: Hilary Swank stars as Debbie, the female friend who tried to tame the beast! Debbie: You don't have to go out with other man bots; I am sure there are plenty of female robots that would love to go out with you. Monster: I can't take it anymore, can't a gay robot monster just be left alone! Debbie: But I can help you to get well! Monster: I don't want to be hassled anymore! ARGH! (The monster begins to punch, kick, and destroy the city.) Announcer: Nothing can stop its alternative lifestyle! Nothing can stop its insatiable lust for man instead of women. Nothing can stop its radical new ways of thinking! You'll be aghast when you go to see ROBOT MONSTER, presented in Conservative vision! End Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
