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Bartender.....Chris Parnell Ella.....Hilary Swank Guy.....Rob Riggle (An empty bar during the early moments of happy hour) (Ella enters the bar; looks around; grabs a stool at the bar) Bartender: What can I get you, stranger? Ella: Just a beer…and a shot of whiskey. Bartender: Sounds good. Guy: Hello. My name is Guy. And you are? Bartender: Guy, I don’t think she’s right for you. Guy: Shut it! I haven’t been laid in 3 weeks and damn it, tonight is my night to get some! Ella: It’s fine. Guy, my name is Ella. And, if it’s in the cards for you, I’d like to get some, too! Guy: Hey Bartender match made in heaven or what? Bartender: Guy, I don’t think you want what she’s swinging. Guy: I’ll be the judge of that! Ella, let me ask you something, and be serious, do like horse porn? What about doggy porn? Bartender: Guy, you’ve derailed. Quit now, and you will be a better man in the end. Guy: Shut up! Bartender: Guy, I’m just saying… Guy: You’re not helping! Ella: Look Guy, you don’t have to be so forward with me, just say, what you want to say. Guy: Okay, fine. I have something to confess. If we are going to get some from each other tonight, you have to understand something… Ella: What is it? Bartender: Here we go! Guy: I’m…I’m…I’m…I’M A TRANSSEXUAL! Ella: Is that all? Join the club. I’m a tranny, too! Guy: Wow. What are the odds of that? Two transsexuals, in the same bar, at the same time, trying to pick each other up. Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen, step right up and see the circus! Trans-gender for the price of one! Ella: So, Guy, since we have accepted each other…for who we are, I need to ask, are you really a transsexual? Guy: Yeah, I am. Ella: So, you were born a boy with both male and female sex organs. Guy: Yes, and I assume, you are a girl born with both male and female sex organs. Ella: Yeah…now do me a favor, get me shit faced! It’s the only way I can accept a man who has the same parts as me. Guy: Here, here! Hey Bartender, more booze for the trannies! Bartender: I guess it is a small world, after all. (Cue Music – “Somebody Told Me” by THE KILLERS) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
