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.....Don Pardo .....David Spade The Ghost of Chris Farley.....Horatio Sanz .....Lorne Michaels .....Tina Fey Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen…David Spade! (David enters the home base stage from the door; comes down from the steps and greets the crowd) David Spade: Thank you! Thank you! It’s good to be back! I don’t know if anyone knows this, but I use to be on this show as a cast member for about 3 good years, about one year that was so-so, one year that was rather crappy and my senior year in 1995, where I slept thru the season and just did my “Spade In America” feature. Okay! (Smoke begins to wander on stage) What’s with the smoke? (The Ghost of Chris Farley enters the stage) David Spade: Chris? The Ghost of Chris Farley: Hey David! I just wanted to show up in ghost form to watch you host Saturday Night Live. I missed your show back in 1998. I really wanted to be here for this one! How are things? David Spade: Okay…how’s the afterlife treating you? The Ghost of Chris Farley: Pretty good. I finally got to meet Andy Warhol. That was pretty cool. David, remember when Warhol did that artwork with the Campbell’s Tomato Soup label? That was awesome! David Spade: Yeah, Chris, I remember that. The Ghost of Chris Farley: So, I hear you’re on that “8 Simple Rules” show. How’s that going? David Spade: Not too bad. It’s me and “Peggy Bundy” and “Jim Rockford” and 2 girls that are jailbait and some young kid that Michael Jackson would give a second look at. The Ghost of Chris Farley: Oh yeah! By the way, John Ritter wanted me to tell you, to…to get off the show! Get off that show while you still can! David Spade: Easy Horatio, coming off a little sweaty…a little too sweaty even for Farley! (Horatio noticeably breaks character) The Ghost of Chris Farley: WHAT! John Ritter says you need to get off that show, because if you don’t…in the words of Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker… David Spade: I know…I’m going to end up living in a van down by the river…I get it! (David starts looking around) Lorne! Who wrote this crap? (Lorne Michaels & Tina Fey enter the stage) Lorne Michaels: David, what’s wrong? David Spade: Who wrote this crap? This monologue isn’t going anywhere! Tina Fey: Why are you calling your monologue crap? Two of the best writers on staff and I wrote this piece! And we are damn proud of it! David Spade: Fine…where are we in this train wreck you call a monologue? (Tina points out where in the script they are in the sketch) Tina Fey: Here, David…”Thanks for coming, Chris.” David Spade: Thanks for coming, Chris. I know you are here in spirit. Tell “Warhol” I said hello. Would you like to tell the audience we have a great show and stuff? The Ghost of Chris Farley: Holy Schnikes! David Spade: Good…because I gotta go change for sketch where Fred plays a giant parrot. See you later! (David dashes off the stage) The Ghost of Chris Farley: Okay folks! We have a great show for you, tonight! Jack Johnson is here. And Horatio Sanz will be in every sketch tonight playing the token fat guy, just like I did in the 94/95 season. We’ll be right back! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
