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Announcer.....Darrell Hammond Guy.....Will Forte (The scene opens on a guy sitting on his coach eating potato chips and drinking a can of beer. He looks bored and a little sad.) Announcer: Hi there friend how are you feeling today? Guy: Meh I have been better. Announcer: So I guess you would say that you are mildly depressed. Guy: Yeah I guess you could say that. Announcer: Well I have good news for you. Guy: Yeah what? Announcer: A new drug has just come out to cure you when you're having bouts with mild depression, its called Zynor. Zynor has been proved to cure people with mild bouts of depression. Possible side effects of Zynor could include cold, flu, hair loss, hair growth, kidney failure, cirrhosis of the liver, infertility, AIDS, measles, syphilis, ovarian cysts, breast lumps, cancer, and the black death. Guy: Well I guess I could go ahead and try it out how about- Announcer: Wait, wait I am not done with the side effects yet, it can also cause glaucoma, blindness, skin rashes, Lou Gehrig disease, polio, ha I didn't even know that still existed, hmm coal miners lung, ass cancer, burning urination, spontaneous combustion and delusions of grandeur. Guy: Oh what the hell I guess I'll give it a try- Announcer: No, theer's still more. You shouldn't take Zynor if you're over 48, under 50, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Jewish, Pakistanian, Syrian, or Iraqi. You also shouldn't take Zynor if your pregnant, going to become pregnant, (The narrator is now getting severely frustrated) sexually active, non sexually active, going to operate heavy machinery. Look the hell with this man, don't even bother taking this stuff. Guy: Well what should I do? Announcer: If you're that depressed just go to the Chuck E. Cheese, mooch off some kid's birthday party pizza and take one of the single moms home for a little rumble in the jungle, if that doesn't work well then your screwed, now just go I have to finish up here. Guy: Okay. (The guy leaves his couch as the word "ZYNOR" pops onto the screen in big letters.) Announcer: (happy) Get Zynor, the drug to wipe your depression (angry) that or give you freakin polio, yeesh! End Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
