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Jack Nelson.....Seth Meyers Stan Hooker.....Horatio Sanz Employee.....Ashton Kutcher [Scene: Outside in front of a donut shop. There is some wind blowing.] Jack Nelson: Hello, I’m Jack Nelson. I hold in my hand…a donut. Simple, yet somehow profound isn’t it? This is Redundant Science. Welcome. [Logo and music for ‘Redundant Science’ plays. We see Jack Nelson enter a donut shop.] Jack Nelson: (to the person behind the counter)I’ll have a donut please. (to camera)Here we are in a donut shop called Ralph’s Donut Emporium and I’m hoping that we’ll… Employee: Uh, we don’t have any donuts. Jack Nelson: Aren’t those donuts? [Employee looks back at row after row of donuts on the shelves] Employee: Maybe. What’s with the camera? Jack Nelson: We’re shooting a documentary. I was given permission to be here. Employee: You sure? Cuz last time I let someone in with a camera it turned out they were, like, the health inspector and we got shut down for a month. Jack Nelson: I see. No I assure you, I’m not with the health department. Employee: (happily)Sweet, I’ll get you a donut. [Employee turns to get donut.] Jack Nelson: (into camera)As I was saying, I’m hoping that... [In background we see Employee accidentally drop the donut] Jack Nelson: ...we’ll be able to learn... [Employee picks donut up and removes debris, including a clump of hair and a jolly rancher which the employee eats, from top of the donut] Jack Nelson: ...more about this marvelous human invention known as the donut. [Jack Nelson turns around and pays for his donut. He takes a big bite and savors it.] Jack Nelson: Mmm, thank you. Employee: Yeah, no problem. Hey, is this going to be on tv? Jack Nelson: Yes, yes it will be. Employee: What channel? Jack Nelson: On PBS. Employee: UPN? Jack Nelson: PBS. Employee: WB? Jack Nelson: PBS. Employee: ABC? Jack Nelson: PBS. Employee: NBC? Jack Nelson: PBS. Employee: CBS? Jack Nelson: Close that time. PBS. Employee: FOX? Jack Nelson: PBS. Employee: PMS? Jack Nelson: PBS. Employee: PBS? Jack Nelson: PBS. [A beat] Employee: ESPN? Jack Nelson: Right. (turning to camera) To assist me in my quest to better understand the snack that has taken our national conscious by storm, I’m joined by self proclaimed donut expert, Stan Hooker. [Stan Hooker enters on cue and he and Jack Nelson move forward a bit but stay in front of the counter. Employee, in background, grins stupidly into the camera.] Jack Nelson: Good day Mr. Hooker. Stan Hooker: It’s an honor to be here with you today, Jack. Jack Nelson: Where are my manners? (to employee)Could I get another donut? Employee: (not able to stop looking into camera)Sure thing. [Jack Nelson and Stan Hooker start talking.] Jack Nelson: So tell me Mr. Hooker... [Employee looks angry as he accidentally drops yet another donut.] Jack Nelson: ...what first drew you to the donut? [Employee picks up donut and removes a small rodent from top of the donut.] Stan Hooker: Well, my love affair with the donut began many years ago... Employee: Your donut sir. Jack Nelson: Thank you sir. [Jack Nelson presents the donut to Stan Hooker who takes a savory bite.] Jack Nelson: Please continue. [Employee begins doing air guitar and mouthing the lyrics ‘Dude looks like a lady’ from Aerosmith’s song of the same name.] Stan Hooker: You see I realized that the donut is the perfect metaphor for life. The outside of the donut is the materialism and lawlessness of life...by eating the donut we leave only the center. The calm every present soul. Stan Hooker: Let me show you. I eat the outside (eats donut) and then I’m left with only the center. [Employee in background takes two donuts and holds them up like they were boobies and mouths ‘Dude looks like a lady’] Jack Nelson: I see, but there’s nothing there. Stan Hooker: Exactly, we have freed ourselves from the things that bind us and the soul has become one with the universe. [Customer approaches employee and pulls out a gun.] Jack Nelson: Ahh, what the Buddists call Nirvanna? Stan Hooker: And what we Donutists call holeness. Jack Nelson: Incredible. Employee: (to robber)Stop, I don’t have health insurance! [Jack Nelson and Stan Hooker notice the roober] Stan Hooker: (drawing weapon)Freeze! (holding up badge)Police! [Suddenly about 20 police officers enter scene, each with their weapon drawn. Criminal is taken away.] Jack Nelson: Well, we’re out of time for this week. Hope you enjoyed the show. I'll see you next week...unless the winning numbers for next week's lottery are 8, 15, 21, 24, 35 and 37. (Jack Nelson crosses his fingers). Goodnight. [Jack Nelson exits. Employee watches him go and them walks up to camera and starts french kissing with it.] [Fade Out.] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
