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Donald Trump.....Darrell Hammond Bobby.....Will Forte Mr. Callahan.....Seth Meyers (The scene opens up on a young teenager at a middle school science class. A teacher is looking around at all of the projects that have been set out. He comes around to a kid who really wants to please his teacher. The teacher walks up to see his project with an disappointed look on his face.) Mr. Callahan: Bobby what is that? Bobby: Well, Mr. Callahan, it's my miniature recreation of Mt. St. Helens. Mr. Callahan: Well that's nice Bobby, but what does it do? Bobby: It's a volcano sir, look what happens when I put the vinegar in the top. (Bobby proceeds to put the vinegar in as the volcano lava lamely flows out of the top of it.) Mr. Callahan: Gee Bobby that was pretty lame. Bobby: But I worked really hard on this Mr. Callahan. Mr. Callahan: Look I am not calling you a liar, I am just calling you a bad science student. Bobby: Oh. Mr. Callahan: Why can't you be more like that Chinese student, he built an actual working nuclear reactor. (The scene changes to a kid in a full radioactive suit giving the thumbs up to Mr.Callahan while he works a miniature nuclear reactor. The scene then returns to Bobby and Mr.Callahan standing next to Bobby's project.) Mr. Callahan: Look Bobby, the science fair is in two days so your going to have to shape up, and quick. All right class its time for our outdoor photosynthesis experiments! (Bobby eagerly starts to leave to go do this while Mr. Callahan holds him back.) Mr. Callahan: You better stay here Bobby, with this project you need all the time you can get. (Bobby stands there with a dejected look on his face.) Bobby: Gee whiz how am I ever going to fix this thing up in two days? (Just as Bobby says this a man walks out and puts a hand on Bobby's shoulder. This hand belongs to Donald Trump.) Bobby: Holey Moley, you're Donald Trump, where the hell did you come from? Trump: I was hiding in the broom closet when I heard about your volcano mishap. Bobby: But why are you here? Trump: That's a good question Bobby. A lot of people look at me and just think I'm a heartless money grubber when they see how rough I am on The Apprentice, Thursdays on NBC. What they don't know is that while on the outside I am a hard core entrepreneur always looking for success, on the inside I have a huge diamond encrusted heart. Bobby: But Mr. Trump what am I going to do about my science project? Trump: Now look Bobby I am not going to lie to you, your project stinks. If you had presented me this project on The Apprentice, Thursdays on NBC, you wouldn't have only been fired, you would have been fired out of a cannon. But don't worry Bobby I am gonna help you win that science fair, and we're gonna do it Trump style. (The scene changes to a large gym area where the science fair is taking place. The kids are having their projects graded on by Mr.Callahan. Mr. Callahan finally walks up to Bobby and Mr. Trump who have their project covered up.) Mr. Callahan: Holy crap you're Donald Trump! Trump: Yes I know, thank you. Mr. Callahan: Bobby what are you doing with Donald Trump standing next to your science project. Bobby: Well Mr. Trump was nice enough to help me out with my project. Trump: I assure you sir that while I did give this young lad some financial help and creative help, every part of this project was built by him and I couldn't be prouder. Mr. Callahan: Well okay then. Bobby: Mr. Callahan I give you my volcano. (Bobby lifts the cover up off his volcano. The volcano is now nearly 10 feet tall and the top sticks out of view of the camera. The volcano is also covered in gold.) Bobby: As you can see my new version of Mt. St. Helens is now covered in 24-karat gold. Trump: Very nice. Bobby: Also near the top of the volcano deluxe suites have been installed for all the A-list celebrities and politicians. Trump: I figured if your gonna have a huge volcano you better have a place for your top clientele to stay. Mr. Callahan: Now see this is exactly what I was hoping you would do Bobby I can't imagine anybody better to give first prize to. Bobby: Oh wait Mr. Callahan there's one more thing, my volcano has real lava! Mr. Callahan: Real Lava? (Bobby proceeds to push a red button next to the volcano. The gym becomes all red as lava begins to explode out of the top of the volcano. The lava falls on Mr.Callahan's arms.) Mr. Callahan: Oh dear god why WHY! (Mr. Callahan's arms have been burned off as he screams like a little girl.) Mr.Callahan: Bobby where are you? (The camera pans over to show a small skeleton standing nearby.) Mr. Callahan: Bobby NOOOOO!!! Trump: Well it looks like my attempts to help this young lad have ended with him being burned alive, but he died in style, Trump style. I guess now he really got fired, just like what I do on The Apprentice, Thursdays on NBC. Uh oh here comes the lava I gotta run for my waiting helicopter, but before I do- LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S TRUMP'S SATURDAY NIGHT! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
