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.....Don Pardo .....Ashton Kutcher .....Demi Moore .....Horatio Sanz .....Seth Meyers .....Rob Riggle Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen…Ashton Kutcher! (Ashton enters the home base stage from the door; comes down from the steps and greets the crowd) Ashton Kutcher: Thank you! Thank you! It’s good to be back! You know I hosted this show about 2 years ago and since then…I’ve…what have I done? Oh, I started dating Demi Moore! Yeah…she really loves me and I really love her. But she loves me for all the wrong reasons. She loves me for my body and not for my brain! (Laughs) But, you know it’s been fun dating a woman like Demi Moore…I actually just got her pregnant, too! Yeah, we just found out the other day and I’m telling you it’s great! It’s great knowing I’ve pro-created another human being that will have my good looks and my dopey intelligence. And it’s funny, now that she’s pregnant, I got to thinking…damn, I’ve pro-created…and my parents said I’d never amount to anything in life! (Demi Moore walks on to the stage) Demi Moore: Ashton! I can't believe you told them! Oh! I went to my doctor today it turns out I am pregnant…but it’s not yours! Ashton Kutcher: What! This is not happening! DAMNIT! How do you they know it’s not mine? Demi Moore: The doctor said that you have a really low sperm count. Ashton Kutcher: No, that can’t be! I wear boxers! (Ashton starts walking out of the studio) (Camera pans as Horatio, Seth and Rob are cheering for Ashton) Horatio Sanz: Hey guys, he’s a father! Ashton Kutcher: Shut it, Horatio! Seth Meyers: What’s up, Ashton? Ashton Kutcher: Demi just told me that she’s pregnant…but it’s not mine. Rob Riggle: Hey, Ashton, it could be worse. Ashton Kutcher: What are you trying to say? Did you have sex with my girlfriend, newbie? Seth Meyers: Ashton, take it easy. Horatio Sanz: So, Ashton, let me get this straight, you’re dating Demi Moore, you thought you got her pregnant, now she’s telling you that she is pregnant, but it’s not your kid. WHAT! Rob Riggle: What’s wrong, Ashton, low sperm count? Ashton Kutcher: I’m gonna kill you, you sonabitch! Seth Meyers: Easy, Ashton! Just go and get ready for the next sketch! Ashton Kutcher: Fine! (Ashton, pissed off, rushes down the hallway to his dressing room; Horatio and Rob wander off camera; Seth goes into the studio to confront Demi Moore) Seth Meyers: Hey Demi. Did you tell Ashton…you know that it’s not his? Demi Moore: No, he doesn’t need this much excitement in the middle of show. Seth Meyers: When are you planning on telling him about us? Demi Moore: Soon…after the show. Seth Meyers: Do you want to wrap this up? I gotta go change for the next sketch. Demi Moore: Sure. Folks, we’ve got a great show for you tonight! (Seth runs off the stage) The wonderful and talented Ashton Kutcher is here. The sexy Gwen Stefani is here to rock your heart. Ashton, nor Seth Meyers, are not the father of my baby and we will be right back! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
