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Announcer...Darrell Hammond Sarah...Rachel Dratch Harry...Fred Armisen Karen...Maya Rudolph Kelly Fogel...Amy Poehler Jerome Fogel...Ashton Kutcher (set on a show with guests sitting on couch, along the wall we see initials of S & M) Announcer: Now, it's time for the show that puts belief in its viewing audience's hearts..."Sensations & Miracles!" (applause) Announcer: Today, we will meet with our guests Sarah, Harry, and Karen to discuss their brushes with strange occurences that effected their life entirely. And here's your hosts, Kelly and Jerome Fogel. (hosts come out; Kelly in a dominatrix-type costume, stringing along Jerome who is in leather and has a collar around his neck; both sit down) Kelly Fogel: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the show. This special episode today deals with the miracle of life when the outlook was looking bleak. With us today are three guests are have brought their stories along to share. Hello there. Say hello, Jerome. Jerome Fogel: Hello. (guests are confused and murmur to each other) Kelly Fogel: The brink of life and death is surely...uh, excuse me, what's wrong? Sarah: I think I'm on the wrong show. Kelly Fogel: Are you Sarah with the hang-gliding accident? Sarah: Well, yes. But, I actually thought this show was about miracles. Kelly Fogel: Well, it is silly. Jerome Fogel: Yes, this show is to discuss the enormity of seemingly impossible phenomena among normal people as yourselves. We here are merely... Kelly Fogel: Don't speak, Jerome. (Jerome sits back in chair and twiddles fingers) Harry: But, what was that? I mean, you are obviously playing master to slave. This is S & M. Kelly Fogel: I have no idea what you're talking about! Karen: Are you kidding? Your clothes. Look at them. And why do you have a whip? Kelly Fogel: This "whip" is one of my own miracles, thank you very much. Sarah: I don't even want to know what it is. I'm leaving. Kelly Fogel: Now, wait. This is a show about emotional escape and talking about special moments in life. Now, please, despite our dress preferences, could you find it in your heart to stay? Sarah: Well, I guess. Kelly Fogel: Now, talk about your accident. Sarah: Okay. Uh, I was hang-gliding and a wind took my glider into some cables. As it turns out, the poles were turned off due to it... (as she talks Kelly takes out some thumbtacks) Sarah: What...what are you doing? Oh my god. Kelly Fogel: This is nothing. These just symbolize...something spiritual in the world of....um, spirituality. Harry: Okay, that's it. This is just some sort of fetish sex place and I want no part of it. Jerome Fogel: No, don't go. Please, tell us your story. Harry: You people are sick. Look at yourselves. Kelly Fogel: Just because we dress different, we should be judged differently as well? Harry: It's not that. You're... Kelly Fogel: Tell us your story. Harry: Well, I was on the ledge of a building after a freak accident with a window. All of a sudden... (the Fogels begin arm wrestling) Harry: What the hell is that? What are you doing? Jerome Fogel: This is just some meditation. Karen: You are just perverted people. Kelly Fogel: You tell us your story, Karen. Karen: No way. You people are sex sadists that are using us as a form of distraction for your depraved televised porn. It's disgusting. Jerome Fogel: I beg you to stay. I'm going to tell you the truth. We are not slave and master. I don't know where you came up that. Sarah: The initials? Harry: The clothes? Karen: The thumbtacks? Jerome Fogel: Let me finish. We may have odd behaviors, and we may look like devil/cult members. Okay. But, there is no need to treat us like animals. We thought a show that would bring sensational stories together to bring hope in a hopeless world was a good thing. I beg you, stay. Karen: Alright. My story is about when I gave birth. Eseentially, my baby was dead for approximately 15 minutes. Alas, after thos minutes passed, she began breathing again and... (Kelly begins putting oil all over her hands) Karen: What's that? Kelly Fogel: This is just some oil. Karen: For what? Kelly Fogel: I'm going to tell you the truth. This is not a show about miracles. It is a fetish-porn-kidnapping type show. I apologize for the lies. Harry: Well, we could've left at any time. Sarah: Yeah, we knew all along. Jerome Fogel: I'm so sorry I lied to you all. Kelly Fogel: Jerome, don't interrupt. Now, you know what we have to do. (Jerome starts tying up the guests) Karen: It's kind of ironic this whole thing. Kelly Fogel: Yeah, it would take a miracle to get out of this. (all laugh, Kelly tells Jerome to stop) (fade) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
