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Announcer.....Chris Parnell Britney Spears.....Cameron Diaz Kevin Federline.....Justin Timberlake (Fade in) Announcer: And now, we present the “Britney Spears/Kevin Federline Reality Show”, only on UPN. The only network that has crappier programming than FOX. (Fade in on Britney & Kevin sitting outside on their back patio) Britney Spears: Baby, do you think my ass is getting fat? Kevin Federline: Babe, that’s going to happen now that you’re pregnant! Britney Spears: For the last time, Kevin, I'm not pregnant! Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying? Kevin Federline: What? So, you're just getting fat? Then what the hell did I marry you for? This sucks! Britney Spears: I’ll tell you what sucks…your backup dancing! Kevin Federline: I’ll tell you what sucks…your acting! Oh yeah, your singing! Oh yeah, the way you give head! Britney Spears: Do you want me to prove I give good head? (Britney Spears begins to go down on Kevin) (SUPER: 5 MINUTES LATER) Kevin Federline: Babe, I stand corrected! I didn’t mean what I said, earlier, about your acting and singing and you give head ‘sucks’. You’re really talented! Britney Spears: Well, I was serious…you are a suck-ass dancer! Thinking you’re the next Michael Jackson! Kevin Federline: Oh yeah! Well, just because you give good head don't mean you can sing or act for crap. Britney Spears: Oh shut the hell up you no-talented good-for-nothing wannabe! Kevin Federline: Hey, I'm way more talented then you, you dumb pregnant bitch! Britney Spears: How many times do I have to tell you, I am not pregnant! God, you're so stupid! And you smell, too! Stanky ass wigger! (SUPER: LATER THAT DAY…) (Britney & Kevin are about to leave their house) Britney Spears: Kevin, remind me, we are having Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake over tonight for dinner and an orgy. Kevin Federline: Cool! Britney Spears: I think Cameron has a great body, but Justin can be such a “douche-bag” sometimes! Kevin Federline: I agree, honey. Total ‘jag-off’! (SUPER: LATER THAT DAY…) (Britney & Kevin sitting on their living room couch) Britney Spears: Kevin, what are you thinking about? Kevin Federline: Thinking about how you and I are about to having a child! It rocks! Britney Spears: Kevin, you moron! I am not pregnant! We don’t need a stanky ass white kid thinking he’s black…we already got your ex-girlfriend’s kids! Kevin Federline: Whatever…I’m going into the kitchen to stare at the container of Orange Juice. Britney Spears: Why? Kevin Federline: Because it says “concentrate”. (SUPER: LATER THAT DAY…) (Britney is in her home studio working on a new track) Britney Spears: Baby! Come listen to my new musical track! Kevin Federline: No doubt! (Cue Music – Remix of Britney’s “My Prerogative”) Music: It’s my prerogative…to be pregnant, but I’m not pregnant! It’s my prerogative! (End Musical track) Kevin Federline: Honey, that song sucks harder than you did a few hours ago! (Fade out) Announcer: Next week on the “Britney Spears/Kevin Federline Reality Show”… (Britney stands at the gas pump) Britney Spears: Baby, the gas thingy isn’t doing anything! Kevin Federline: Are you sure you’re doing it right? Britney Spears: I’m humping the gas thing! Kevin Federline: No, you dumb ass; you are supposed to pump the gas, not hump the gas! Announcer: That’s next week on “The Britney & Kevin Ghetto Fun Hour”. Only on UPN. UPN, making the world just as stupid as George W. Bush. (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
