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Shelley Long...Amy Poehler Scott McMullen...Seth Meyers Drew Barrymore...Cameron Diaz George Wendt...Horatio Sanz (setting of big couch, like a ladies' talk show) Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for "The Shelley Long Show," with your host, Shelley Long!!! (Shelley Long comes out in a tan suit with a smile on her face, approaching right in front of applauding audience) Shelley Long: Thank you, thank you. Okay, thank you. This is incredible. I'm just so excited to be hosting a morning talk show, it's really something. (laughs) You know, I haven't been on television in years. But, I don't really want to talk about that right now. So Scott, how are you doing today? (cut to guitarist with backup band) Scott McMullen: I'm just fine, and it is an honor to be part of your new show, Mrs. Long. Shelley Long: Oh, Scott McMullen, ladies and gentlemen. My musical accompaniment for the show. (audience applauds) Scott McMullen, everyone. You don't have to call me Mrs. Long. Call me Shelley. Scott McMullen: Alright. But don't be surprised if I call you Diane. Shelley Long: Hahahaha. That's funny. Haha. Yes. Scott McMullen: I am a huge fan of Cheers. Shelley Long: Okay, okay. Settle down, Scott. Save that energy for the show. Now, a few bad things happened during this past week. We found out that the Pope was sick. Scott McMullen: It was a shame that he died. Shelley Long: (somewhat agitated) Yes, I was getting to that, Scott. Please let me finish. I wanted to talk about the Pope. This man was a true icon for everything that is good in this world. And I have no problem with calling him a hero. I don't. I really don't. I want to pay my respects to the Pope... (bows head down in prayer for a split second) ...but that will have to wait until after my show! (audience applauds) Did I mention I was excited? Okay. I can't believe I have my own show. Not to sound egotistical in any way. Another sad death was that of Johnnie Cochran. Now, Johnnie Cochran was a famous lawyer who defended former football star O.J. Simpson. That was something. Huh? Right? I mean, wow. Huh? Gosh. I really wish he was still alive, because, I mean, I could get away with anything. Am I right, people? (audience applauds, person in the crowd holding up "I Love Cheers" sign) Oh, I see that man has a Cheers sign. That's great. Really great. (motions to guards, who briefly rip up the sign, and take confused audience member away) Well, we have a terrific show today. A great guest in Drew Barrymore. (audience applauds) Scott McMullen: She is wonderful. Shelley Long: Oh, you like her work, huh? I do, too. I mean, "E.T." Come on! Right? (more crowd applause) On with the show. (McMullen and band play while Long approaches and sits in chair) Shelley Long: Well, she is a bubbly and beautiful woman that started out as a child actor. You can now see her in the Farrelly Brothers' picture, "Fever Pitch." Please welcome, Drew Barrymore. (Barrymore comes out with happy grin like Long's and both laugh and hug) Drew Barrymore: Wow, yes. This is amazing. Look at you. Shelley Long: I know. Drew Barrymore: Yes. Wow. Incredible. This is great. Just great. How are you doing? Shelley Long: I'm great. I have my own show. Drew Barrymore: I know. Wow. Huh? This is fabulous. Look at this couch. Shelley Long: Okay. Now, you're in that new Red Sox movie "Fever Pitch." What was that like? Drew Barrymore: Amazing. Simply magical. The Farrelly Brothers are two of the funniest guys in the world. I mean, come on. Really. They are huge fans of the Boston Red Sox. I mean, any one from the New England area is pretty much born a Sox fan. Shelley Long: Uh-huh. And what was it like working with Jimmy Fallon? Drew Barrymore: It was awesome. Awesome. In fact, at the end of Game 4 in the World Series, we ran out onto the field in St. Louis and ended up filming the final part of the movie there. Shelley Long: That is just great. I mean, really fantastic. I'm glad your career is going well, just like mine. (both laugh) Drew Barrymore: Yeah, I mean, you could really love this movie, too. What with you being on one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, which centered around Boston. Shelley Long: (glares) Uh....yes. Um, yeah. That was fun. Drew Barrymore: I mean, Cheers. That was just a roller coaster ride, wasn't it? Shelley Long: (gritting teeth, but keeping back anger) Yep, it was something, alright. But, let's talk about you. Drew Barrymore: Oh, no no no! Let's talk about you. This is your first show. Come on, tell us what you've been up to. Who wants to hear what she's been up to? (audience applauds) Shelley Long: (glaring at audience as well) What do you mean, "what I've been up to?" Drew Barrymore: Well, I mean after you left Cheers when it was at its peak. What did you do after that? Shelley Long: (getting angrier) Hahahaha. Well, uh, I don't... Drew Barrymore: Weren't you in a couple of movies? Scott McMullen: More than a couple. "The Money Pit." "Troop Beverly Hills." Um...uh. Shelley Long: There's no need to list my movie career. I merely wanted to take a stab at the big screen after revolutionizing television. That's all. Can we drop it? Scott McMullen: What was the name of that movie where you died, and something happ....? Shelley Long: (screams) It doesn't matter!!!! (audience gasps, McMullen winces, Barrymore keeps smiling) I'm sorry about that outburst. It's just that I don't want to talk about my movie career, or really any of my past. Scott McMullen: I think the responsibility of doing a talk show is hard work, and you're just letting out your emotions. But, I think we have a special guest who will turn that frown upside down. Come out, George. (George Wendt comes out and bearhugs Long, audience cries out, "Norm!") George Wendt: Ah, it's great to see you. Oh man, what a rush this is, being on a new talk show. So how you been? Shelley Long: (eyes twitching) I'm good. George Wendt: Say that line that you always said. Shelley Long: What do you mean? George Wendt: You know, from "Cheers." "Cheers!" That show you left that was incredibly popular, even after you exited. Come on. (Wendt signals audience, they say, "Norm!") Shelley Long: Norman. George Wendt: That's it. That's it. Man, those were some memories. Too bad you had to leave. Shelley Long: Well, that's all the time we have on this show today... Drew Barrymore: I was hoping I would hear some great stories about "Cheers," one of my favorite shows of all time. Do you have any great backstage tales of what went on? Shelley Long: No. Drew Barrymore: Oh, come on. Shelley Long: I'd like to thank Drew Barrymore... George Wendt: I got a good one. There was this one time when Shelley went into her dressing room... Shelley Long: ...George Wendt... George Wendt: ...and she didn't know that Ratzenberger had left his soiled underwear in there and... Shelley Long: ...join us all week on my show. Have a great morning. (Wendt talking to Barrymore, Long tears a pillow to shreds with her bare hands) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
