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Announcer.....Chris Parnell .....Horatio Sanz .....Fred Armisen Evil Shadow Man’s Voice.....Darrell Hammond (Open with a black screen) Announcer: I don’t care if you have to go to an elegant dinner on Saturday. Please make sure you get out of it. Burn that house down if you have to. Because you don’t want to miss all of the excitement. Take a look! (Opens with Horatio looking around in the prop room. He’s mumbling to himself.) Horatio: Aw man! Where is the host? (Fred walks in) Fred: What’s going on? Horatio: Man! The host is missing. I gotta do a dance number with him. It’s a musical tribute to Yertle the Turtle. Fred: I don’t know where he is. By the way, who’s the flash in the pan host this week. (Fred starts looking in a closet. Camera pans on Horatio) Horatio: Oh, it’s some dude named- Fred: What the hell! Horatio: What? Fred: Where are my Ferecito drums. I can’t do the show without them. I have nothing else to be proud of on this show. (Camera focuses in on Horatio. Mysterious music pots up.) Horatio: There’s something weird going on here. Lorne told me about some crazy prisoner who died in the studio. (Camera focuses on Fred. Fred is talking to himself not paying attention to Horatio.) Fred: I talked to my father the other day. He is ashamed that he has to tell people his son is a guy who plays giant birds and nerds on TV. Then I got this gay rumor going on. I wanked off once to Muscle Janitor Weekly, (Camera pans back to Horatio) Horatio: Lorne said that the prisoner overdosed on Belushi’s stash. He haunts the Studio 8H in the form of a shadow man. I hope he isn’t real! (Suddenly a guy dressed in a black hat covering his face and wearing a cape with dark clothes appears. Psycho music pots up. Horatio looks at the man.) Horatio: It’s the Evil Shadow Man. Yaaahhh! (Camera pans to Fred who is still mumbling to himself. It pans back to Horatio who starts to run, but the shadow man stabs him.) Evil Shadow Man: Now there will be no more musical numbers! (Horatio clumsily collapses onto the floor. Fred finally notices what happened.) Fred: You killed Horatio, you evil man! Evil Shadow Man: They’ll find another funny fat guy, just look at CBS, haha! Fred: Did you take my drums. Evil Shadow Man: Yes! Would you like to fight me for it. Fred: Um yes. (He talks to himself) I’m a man, a big strong, (he starts getting worried), sort of weak, sort of pale, geek! (Fred shouts insanely and runs out of the room. The Evil Shadow Man laughs. Fade to the black screen. Dramatic Music pots up) Announcer: Who will the Evil Shadow Man get next? (Cut to a bathroom stall where Fred is sitting on the toilet with Muscle Janitor Weekly. He is engaging in his "pleasure act".) Announcer: Will Fred Armisen continue to tame his beast with photos of massive Janitor abs. (A beat) Sheesh, what a fruit. (The screen dissolves to a black screen) Announcer: Catch what critics are calling, an unorthodox dose of comedy and celebrity appearances. Next week, on Saturday Night Live! (End) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
