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Chameleon Man.....Will Forte Iron Liberty.....Tom Brady Pretty Pete.....Seth Meyers Butterfly.....Amy Poehler Mr. Brownstone.....Chris Parnell Trainee #1.....Finesse Mitchell Trainee #2......Rob Riggle Trainee #3.....Rachel Dratch Trainee #4.....Kenan Thompson [ note: Chameleon Man wears a green costume. When he activates his power, green-screening is used to match his clothing with the background ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] Is it a man or is it a lake? [ still shot of Chameleon Man lakeside, followed by a still shot of him with arms raised activating his power ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] A superhero or ice cream cake? [ still shot in style of first, this time in front of Carvel display case ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] It’s hard to find the Chameleon Man. [ still shots of malicious bandits looking for Chameleon Man in front of the ice cream cake and looking befuddled ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] He’s out of sight! The Chameleon Man. [ show title card ] [ int. Justice Base – Evening ] [ Various members of The Justice Keepers, including Pretty Pete, Butterfly, and Mr. Brownstone, are sitting around a table. Iron Liberty, the leader who is a man made of metal, is leafing through notes at the head of the table. Everyone looks up in irritation as Chameleon Man rushes into the room. ] Iron Liberty: Well, now that we are all here [ glaring look at Chameleon Man ] it seems we can begin. Chameleon Man: Look, I’m sorry. I don’t have the power to fly or teleport like Pretty Pete does, alright? Iron Liberty: You could try making sure you leave the house at a good time. Mr. Brownstone can’t fly either and he’s never late. Mr. Brownstone: I get up around seven; get out of bed around nine. Iron Liberty: Crime isn’t going to wait because you were stuck behind a mail truck. We have rules in the Justice Keepers, and you need to start following them. Chameleon Man: I am so sorry. Iron Liberty: I’m just going to move on. Alright, the patrol schedule for the next week has been posted outside my office. I’d like everyone to be on their routes on time. Mr. Brownstone said he needs his Wednesday night shift covered so he can go to his daughter’s piano rehearsal. Mr. Brownstone: The show usually starts around seven; we go on stage around nine. Butterfly: I can take it. Iron Liberty: Alright, Butterfly has that. Let me make a note. Great! Now, before we get further into this meeting, I’d like to remind everyone that if you leave mucosal secretions when you use your power, it is your responsibility to clean it up before the next shift. [ looks at Chameleon Man ] Chameleon Man: What? Why are you looking at me? Iron Liberty: Well, we’ve had complaints and you’re the only one with the powers of a slimy lizard. Chameleon Man: Chameleons aren’t slimy. Pretty Pete: I always wash my hands after touching chameleons. Chameleon Man: That’s because you love your mango-scented soap. Look, it wasn’t me. Iron Liberty: Moving on… Chameleon Man: It wasn’t me! Iron Liberty: Moving on! Now, we have a few new trainees coming in so I’d like you all to meet them now. [ Trainees file in ] Iron Liberty: I’ll let them introduce themselves. Trainee #1: [ dressed in Spiderman outfit ] I’m Spiderman. Chameleon Man: The real Spiderman? What are you doing in the Justice Keepers? Trainee #1: Well, I’m not the actual Spiderman. Butterfly: So, do you have the proportionate strength and reflexes of a spider? Trainee #1: No. Chameleon Man: Can you spin webs? Trainee #1: No. Pretty Pete: Look dashing while making witty, family-friendly rejoinders? Trainee #1: Nope. Chameleon Man: So why are you wearing a Spiderman costume? What do you actually do? Trainee #1: It was on sale at the costume shop. Mostly I just make small flashes of light like this. [ demonstrates ] Pretty Pete: Cheese. Butterfly: This is ridiculous. How are we going to be taken seriously with this clown in the Justice Keepers? Iron Liberty: Let’s save our criticisms until after we’ve seen these guys in the field, alright? And our next trainee is… Trainee #2: [ wearing Tom Brady Patriots uniform ] I call myself First Patriot. Chameleon Man: Does that even count as a costume? Butterfly: I completely agree. I spent days putting this get up together, and First Patriot here just spends ten minutes at a Sports Authority? Iron Liberty: I think it’s a great costume. I kind of wish I had thought of it. Mr. Brownstone, what are your thoughts on this costume. Does its unconventionality worry you? Mr. Brownstone: I don’t worry bout nothing, no, ‘cause worryin’s a waste of my… time. Iron Liberty: And next we have… Trainee #3: [ wearing a long, warty strap on nose and a witch hat ] I’m a witch. [ Pretty Pete slowly raises an eyebrow ] Butterfly: This is a joke right? One of those hidden camera shows? Chameleon Man: What are you trying to pull here? Iron Liberty: Guys, guys, settle down. Chameleon Man: That’s just a hat, a nose, and a bad make-up job! I feel like I’m back at my middle school Halloween dance! Trainee #3: I’ll cast a curse on you! Chameleon Man: Why do I not fear that at all? Butterfly: There’s no way this idiot has the powers of a witch. Trainee #3: I’ll turn you into a toad! Really I will. [ holds out a broom ] See, I have a broom! Iron Liberty: Please, I’d like to move this meeting along, we started late because of someone… Chameleon Man: Ok, so I can’t be two minutes late, but it’d be all right if I had the powers of no one and walked around wearing a bargain bin costume? Iron Liberty: Moving along! Trainee #4: [ wearing a Bill Clinton mask ] I’m Bill Clintonman. Pretty Pete: Well, that’s the end of it. I’m holding a mutiny now. Butterfly: I’m in. Chameleon Man: Me too. These increasingly outrageous trainees are just too much. Mr. Brownstone: It used to be a little but a little wouldn’t do so a little got more and more. Butterfly: I think that means he’s in. Pretty Pete: Wonderful. Mutiny successful, this is now my superhero team. All of you new people, leave, we don’t want you. Iron Liberty: I’m going to resent you now. Probably become a super villain. Pretty Pete: Won’t that be frightening. Mr. Brownstone: I just keep trying to get a little better, said the little better than before. Pretty Pete: We know. [ fade out ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
