|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Barry Levinson...Horatio Sanz Rod Roddy (voice)...Darrell Hammond ...Bob Barker (special guest) Julia...Maya Rudolph Karen...Rachel Dratch Shawn...Fred Armisen Charlie...Johnny Knoxville Raymond...Dana Carvey (special guest) (Rain Man is cut to a DVD menu, cursor goes to special features, appears is Barry Levinson) Barry Levinson: Hello, I'm Barry Levinson, the director of this film, which is one of my favorites. Most movies have several scenes cut out, this being one of them. With the idea of Raymond counting cards at the casino, Charlie Babbitt came up with an idea to make even more money in L.A. and went onto "The Price Is Right." Now, of course, in the film, Charlie finds out that Raymond isn't good with numbers, and the scene is used as a sort of sadisticly hilarious comedy team moment. It was immediately cut out for being ridiculous, as well as incohorently unfunny. I hope you enjoy it. (scene goes to scratchy lost footage, music plays) Rod Roddy (voice): It's time for the game show with fabulous prizes, here on "The Price Is Right." Here's your host, Bob Barker. (Bob Barker comes out to fake and real audience applause) Bob Barker: Thank you, thank you. It's a beautiful day out tonight, isn't it Rod? Wow. Now, let's see four contestants, please. Rod Roddy (voice): Well, let's get Julia to the podium. Come on down! (Julia screams and jumps up and down) Rod Roddy (voice): Karen, can you hear me? It's time to play! (Karen is rolling around through crowd to approach podium) Rod Roddy (voice): Hark, what's that I hear? It sounds like Shawn, come on down! (Shawn jumps up and high-fives everyone) Rod Roddy (voice): Here we go, Raymond. Let's start "The Price Is Right!" (Charlie and Raymond come down to fake and real audience applause) Raymond: Yeah, there are a lot of lights. Very bright. Bright. Yeah. Charlie: Raymond, calm down. Everything's going to be alright. Come on. Bob Barker: Why are there two of you? Charlie: I'm just here to help him out. He's autistic. Bob Barker: Artistic? Charlie: No, it's...complicated. Bob Barker: Well, I'm game if you are. Karen: (screaming) I love you, Bob! Bob Barker: Okay. Okay. Now, Rod, tell these folks what they will be bidding on today. Rod Roddy (voice): It's a portable CD player. Handy for those jogs on the road, and excellent for long rides of any kind. Bob Barker: Alright, Julia your bid. Julia: Um, I'm not too keen on CDs. What are they? Bob Barker: I need a bid. Julia: Okay. $1,000. Bob Barker: Karen, your bid? Karen: Um, uh, $2,000 Bob. Bob Barker: Shawn, your bid? Shawn: Are CDs like cassettes or what? Bob Barker: Please give me a price. Shawn: $999. Bob Barker: And Raymond? Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: Your bid, Raymond. Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: Do you have a bid? Raymond: Yeah. Charlie: Raymond, the man is asking you a question. Can you answer him? Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: How much is the CD player, Raymond? Raymond: Yeah, CD player definitely costs a dollar. Yeah, a dollar. Charlie: A CD player does not cost a dollar, Raymond. No way. Raymond: Definitely a dollar. Bob Barker: A dollar is your bid. (Charlie shaking his head) Bob Barker: Actual retail price is...$240. Raymond, you are our winner. Charlie: What? We won. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Alright. Yes. Raymond, you are beautiful. (kisses Raymond) Raymond: Felt wet. (Raymond and Charlie approach Barker onstage) Bob Barker: Everyone went over the limit, so you won, Raymond. How are you? Raymond: Wet. Bob Barker: Excuse me? Charlie: It's nothing. This is great. He's very happy. (giggles maniacally) This is unbelievable. Man. Raymond: Who's on first. What's on second. I Don't Know's on third. Who's on third? No, Who's on first. Who's on first? Yes. Who? The first baseman. What? No, he's second base. Who? No, he's first. What's the guy's name on first? No, What's the guy's name on second base. I Don't Know? Third base. Bob Barker: What the hell are you doing? Raymond: Who earns it? Every dollar of it. Bob Barker: Well, you will be vying for a prize of a new bathroom set. (Raymond sees bathtub and freaks out) Raymond: Baby burned. Uh-oh. Baby burned. Charlie: No, Raymond. It's okay. It's okay, alright? Is there any way we can get an equal prize other than this? He'll just blow a fit until you do. Bob Barker: I'll see what I can do. (Barker leaves and comes back immediately) Bob Barker: I'll tell you what, Rod, what wil Raymond be playing for instead? Rod Roddy (voice): A new car. (curtain rolls up and beautiful car is shown) Charlie: Holy...This is great. Wow. I mean, this is incredible. Raymond: Of course, I'm an excellent driver. Bob Barker: Okay, now that we're... Raymond: I'm an excellent driver. Bob Barker: Well, that's fine. Now... Raymond: Dad let me drive on the road, I made it all the way... Bob Barker: (shouting) Okay! Raymond: Uh-oh! (covers his ears) Bob Barker: Now, Raymond, we will be playing "Roll The Dice." In each category you must check to see if the number is higher or lower than the value on the dice. Are you ready? Charlie: Raymond? Raymond, Bob Barker asked you a question. Raymond: Yeah. Charlie: Are you ready, Raymond? (silence) Bob Barker: Are you ready? Raymond: Yeah. (Barker rolling his eyes, and palming his sweat with handkerchief) Bob Barker: Now, throw the dice. Charlie: See, Raymond, it's like craps in Vegas. Remember? Now, roll. (Raymond rocking back and forth muttering "Who's On First?") Charlie: If you don't mind, I'll roll. (Charlie rolls a six) Bob Barker: Now, Raymond, is it higher or lower? Raymond: I'm an excellent driver. Bob Barker: I know that. But is it higher or lower? Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: What? Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: Higher or lower? Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: Higher... Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: You're saying higher? Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: Or lower? Raymond: Yeah. (Barker covering his eyes) Bob Barker: Now, Raymond, this is very simple. Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: Now, listen. Raymond: Yeah. Bob Barker: Is the number after that higher or lower? Raymond: The lights are bright. Really bright. Studio is hot. Bob Barker: I give up. This guy is a moron. Charlie: Hey, don't call my brother a moron, you geriatric jerkoff. Bob Barker: What did you say to me? Raymond: Uh-oh. It's really hot. And loud. Loud. Really loud. Definitely loud. (Charlie and Barker start choking each other, Raymond jumps into car and car can be heard backing up, along with screams, shrieks, and blood-curdling cries as it fades to black) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
