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Announcer.....Darrell Hammond Boris Baxter.....Will Ferrell Nathaniel.....Chris Parnell Bob Saget.....Seth Meyers Flavor Flav.....Finesse Mitchell Mr. T.....Kenan Thompson Hulk Hogan.....Rob Riggle Stephen Baldwin.....Will Forte (Fade in) Announcer: We all remember the attempted singer…but what ever happened to our favorite attempted singer? After a series of mental breakdowns, former singer Boris Baxter has found repent through the Lord. This is his return. After 3 years of self-captivity, Boris Baxter is back…he has finally come out of hiding…as a born again Christian! We now present to you…the return of Boris Baxter…Boris Baxter, Born Again! (Pan into a church as Boris Baxter is speaking to his conjuration) Boris Baxter: Hello, my brothers, my sisters. It’s Sunday, once again. We are born again. We are here again to celebrate the holy book…in God’s name we pray, today. Today, we will talk about the Son of God, and his name is…ah…ah… (Boris Baxter expresses his anger) Jesus Christ, why can’t I remember his name! For God sakes! God, What is your son’s name? Tell me! Nathaniel: His name is Jesus. Boris, you are a disgrace to the Christian church. Boris Baxter: Sorry, God. I’m sorry. Nathaniel: Boris, that wasn’t God. That was just me correcting you. Boris Baxter: Oh, I see. Brothers, Sisters, we have some wonderful individuals joining us, this good day. Some of us would consider them “famous” born again Christians. First, up front here…from “Full House”, Bob Saget. Bob Saget: Thank you. I also used to host “America’s Funniest Home Videos”. Boris Baxter: Thank you, Bob. To be perfectly honest, I thought you were a “Mormon”. Next, that annoying guy from Public Enemy…the guy with the clock around his neck, all the time, please say hello to “Flavor Flav”! Flavor Flav: Flavor Flav! Boris Baxter: Yes Flavor, we know who you are. Flavor Flav: Dude, that's just how I say hello to everyone, BOY! Flavor Flav! Boris Baxter: Okay, we get it! Shut your mouth! Flavor Flav: Flavor Flav! Boris Baxter: Shut up! You say your name one more time; I’ll have Nathaniel throw your punk ass out of this church! Thank you. Next, we have…a former wrestling great, here. Two wrestling greats, sorry. Hulk Hogan and…and I can’t remember your name, sir. I’m sorry. (Mr. T stands up) Mr. T: I pity the fool who can’t remember my name! Oh by the way, ask for God’s repent…and dial “COLLECT”! Hulk Hogan: Cool down, T! Boris Baxter: Thank you, Mr. T. I’ll remember those fine words. And our last celebrity guest is actor Stephen Baldwin. Stephen, to be honest, I am a fan of your brother’s work, more than yours. Stephen Baldwin: Really? Which one? Boris Baxter: You know, gosh darn it, I can’t remember. Stephen Baldwin: William? Daniel? Alec? Boris Baxter: Alec? Come on! Now you’re just making up names! Stephen Baldwin: No, seriously, I have 3 brothers. One of them is Alec Baldwin. Alec is maybe the most famous of all my brothers. Boris Baxter: I think you are full of it. May God strike me dead if there is someone name Alec Baldwin who is a “working actor”. (Boris is suddenly shot by a stray bullet) Nathaniel: Sorry folks, I was just tired of his antics. Let us pray! (Fade out) Announcer: And so that was the return of Boris Baxter. The late former attempted singer and now, former attempted born again Christian. Thank you for watching. (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
