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Announcer.....Darrell Hammond William Petersen.....Will Ferrell Vincent D’Onofrio.....Rob Riggle Kiefer Sutherland.....Seth Meyers Matt Le Blanc.....Jason Sudeikis Jim Belushi.....Chris Parnell Kevin James.....Horatio Sanz (Fade in) Announcer: This fall…all the networks are ousting the “sitcom”. Situation Comedy is no more. The ratings are failing…the fans aren’t watching…and the jokes are just not funny anymore. CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX are coming together to present a 3 part miniseries to official say “buh-bye” to the situation comedy. William Petersen of the CBS hit drama “CSI”, Vincent D’Onofrio of the NBC hit drama “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” and Kiefer Sutherland of the FOX hit drama “24” star in this 3 part funeral mini-series…as they put to death a staple, a prime-time television institution…”THE SITCOM”. CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX Present “Death To Sitcom”. William Petersen: Gentlemen, we all know why we are here! Kiefer, you take Jim Belushi…that guy from “According To Jim”. Make sure you take out that guy that plays his brother-in-law, too. Vincent, you take out that “Friends Spin Off” guy, Matt Le Blanc. I’m taking out Kevin James! Fat ass yo-yo! (Pan to a series of action scenes) (Cut to Vincent D’Onofrio chasing down Matt Le Blanc) Matt Le Blanc: How you doin’? (Vincent stops; very serious tone in his voice; close up on Vincent’s face) Vincent D’Onofrio: I’m doing okay…but I’ll be doing a whole lot better once I kick your freakin’ sitcom ass. (Cut to Kiefer Sutherland beating down Jim Belushi with a baseball bat) Kiefer Sutherland: God, do I hate sitcoms! Jim Belushi: I’m sorry ABC didn’t give me a drama series…I asked for one… (Imitating John Belushi) BUT NOO! (Kiefer continues to beat down Jim Belushi) (Cut to Kevin James struggling to run from William Petersen) William Petersen: I’m gonna get you, chubby! Kevin James: I loved “To Live & Die In LA”! William Petersen: Yeah, well I hated “Hitch”! (William Petersen tackles Kevin James) (Fade out) Announcer: Coming this fall to the 4 major networks, you asked for it, you got it. Death To Sitcom! FOX, ABC, CBS and NBC. The sitcom has canned its laughter for the last time. Get ready for the “mercy killing” primetime has been asking for since “Cheers” went of the air. (Pause) Okay, “Seinfeld” and “Friends” weren’t bad…but who else wanted to shoot themselves when you heard they were giving “Emeril Lagasse” his own sitcom. Come on! So, this fall, join the 4 major networks in a 3 night simulcast of the death to the American sitcom. “DEATH TO SITCOM”, coming this fall. (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
