|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Spanish Gentleman.....Fred Armisen Marianna.....Rachel Dratch Isabella.....Lindsay Lohan [ open on static shot of a Spanish gentleman sitting on a lounge chair, dressed in a smoking jacket, an ascot, a thin moustache, a cigarette in a medium-length black holder, and an intoxicating cocktail in his hand. The sound of Spanish guitars fill the background. ] Spanish Gentleman: If you are like me, you appreciate the finer things that life has to offer. Fine clothing, fine wine, fine Italian automobiles. I appreciate these earthly necessities. And when I want to spend the evening with a fine, beautiful woman, for me it isn't a problem because I know exactly where to look: Excalibur Escort Services. At Excalibur, I can have a fine, beautiful women each night of the week. Fine, beautiful women like Marianna. [ a chunky, whorish bonde enters to the Spanish gentleman's left ] Hello, my dear. Marianna: [ unhappily ] Hey. Spanish Gentleman: She is beautiful, si? Ah, but Marianna and I.. we were together last night. Beautiful, beautiful memories. But the connection just was not there, the capacity for repeat business could not be reached. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea why she is still in my house when it has been several hours since we last spoke. Marianna: [ defensive ] I've been asleep. Spanish Gentleman: [ considers this ] Hmm. [ to the camera ] You see, this is aggravation for which I do not need. I have the hospitality of other beautiful women yet to exhaust. You can have Marianna, or any of the other fine, beautiful women available to you. [ the extraordinarily beautiful Isabella enters to the Spanish gentleman's right, holding a small dish ] Isabella: Do you have any more caviar? I worked up quite an appetite this morning! Spanish Gentleman: Oh, si, si. In the cooler behind the Haagen-Daaz and the strawberries. Isabella: There's ice cream! Who needs caviar? Spanish Gentleman: [ smiling at the camera ] Huh? Huh? Now, that's what I'm talking about! A fine, beautiful woman like Isabella. And the best part is, they are affordable. In fact, look for the coupon in this week's Sunday papers. [ holds up newspaper inserts ] 2 for the price of 1, how can you go wrong? Isabella: [ pinches his cheek ] You are so cute! Spanish Gentleman: I try to dispute it, but it is not my business to argue with a fine, beautiful woman such as Isabella. Marianna: [ bored ] Look, do you want me to leave? I'll leave if you want me to leave. Spanish Gentleman: [ waving his hand ] No, no. Go back to sleep. I'll whistle for you if we need you. Isabella: Which won't be any time soon, so don't wait up! Marianna: I don't care if you get the bigger tip. I show more class. Isabella: Too bad you don't show more ass. Marianna: I'll show you who's an ass! [ an exciting Spanish catfight breaks out between the two escorts. I tell you, you'd have to see it to believe it! ] Spanish Gentleman: [ excited ] I tell you, the mind reels! You must make the call, you would be a fool not to. For a night you will never forget, call Excalibur Escort Services. [ Spanish gentleman hurriedly gets himself into the middle of the two escorts ] [ title card appears over the fight ] Announcer: Excalibur Escort Services. For the temporary experience of a lifetime. [ fade ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
