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Will Forte.....Lance Seth Meyers.....Assassin (Open to apartment. A miserable looking man, Lance, is out on the ledge of a window. He wimpers as he looks down. Someone busts though the door. It's an assassin dressed in black with a ski mask. He has a gun pointed out.) Assassin: Lance Bergman!? (Lance peers inside. The assassin doesn't see him right away.) Lance: Yeah? Assassin: I've been hired to kill you. This is my first time so I'd like if you'd come out. Lance: I'm right here. (The assassin turns towards him and takes his ski mask off.) Assassin: Oh, sorry. It's hard to see with this thing on. Lance: Who sent you? Assassin: Uh, your mom did, actually. Uh, why are you out on the window ledge? (Lance pauses) Lance: I'm going to commit suicide. I've had enough. Assassin: But I'm supposed to shoot you. Lance: Well, I'm going to die either way, so does it matter? Assassin: I guess there'd be no way I'd get arrested if I let you jump. Um, go ahead. (Lance looks down as the assassin waits patiently. Lance looks back at the assassin.) Lance: Um, this is kinda of hard for my to do with you standing there. Do you mind going out in the hall? Assassin: Then how do I know if you actually went through with it or not? Lance: This is hard, okay!? Can you let me be alone? Assassin: Alright, I think I better shoot you. This is taking too long. Lance: Oh, no! No! Please, don't! I'll do it, okay? (Lance takes another long look and looks back.) Assassin: I'm waiting... Lance: I don't know if I want to die yet. Assassin: You're dying either way! Make a choice. Lance: I don't know. Maybe, I shouldn't do this so fast. Assassin: Well, if you don't kill yourself I have to kill you. (The assassin points the gun at Lance.) Lance: Please, don't shoot me! I'll do it. I'll do it! (Lance looks down again and then looks back again.) Lance: I can't do it! (Lance climbs back into the room.) Assassin: I have to shoot you, then! Lance: Wait. I have to show you something first. Assassin: What? Lance: It's outside, look. (The assassin looks out the window Lance pushes him put.) Lance: (to himself) Now, I can finally live a meaningful life... Oh, who am I kidding!? (Lance jumps out the window just like he was going to to begin with.) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
