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.....Vince Vaughn .....Owen Wilson Best Man.....Seth Meyers Bride.....Jessica Alba Groom.....Chris Parnell DJ WICK-WHACK.....Horatio Sanz Bridesmaids.....Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler Grandma.....Rachel Dratch Grandpa.....Darrell Hammond (Fade in) (Vince & Owen stand out a banquet hall, about to ‘crash’ a wedding) Vince Vaughn: Come on, baby! Put your game face on! Owen Wilson: I just don’t know, Vince. Do you think this a good idea? I’m not feeling right… (Vince bitch slaps Owen) Vince Vaughn: Baby, I only did that, because you were asking for it! Now come on! Let’s get in there! Do you hear that? “The Funky Chicken” is calling us! Hey remember, why we are here! For the good of mankind! Owen Wilson: To leave with a drunken bridesmaid… Vince Vaughn: Two drunken bridesmaids, if we’re lucky…and to promote “The Wedding Crashers”, opening July 15th! Let’s do it baby! (Vince and Owen enter the banquet hall; the Best Man suddenly stops them) Best Man: Excuse me! Are you with the bride or the groom? Vince Vaughn: Both…both. We work with the groom…and we both “fucked” the bride in college. (Vince & Owen walk into the wedding reception and begin to work the room) Owen Wilson: I can’t believe how easy that was! Vince Vaughn: O, baby, that was a rookie best man! He was dealing with a couple of Grade A All-Stars! Now, remember our motivation: party with ladies, drink the free booze… Owen Wilson: Get laid! Vince Vaughn: …and promote “The Wedding Crashers”! (Owen & Vince begin working the room by going their separate ways) Vince Vaughn: Hey, DJ Wick-Whack, how you feeling tonight? DJ WICK-WHACK: I’m feeling fly! We got some killer wedding music coming up! Vince Vaughn: I feel you, Wick-Whack! (Camera cuts to Owen hitting on one of the bridesmaids) Owen Wilson: So, you know, I’m an actor. Have you ever see “Behind Enemy Lines”? Yeah…I was the dude behind the enemy’s line. Do you want to go the coatroom and make out? (Camera cuts to Vince talking to the groom) Vince Vaughn: Hey dude! Congratulations! You are getting a genuine girl, there! Make sure you wear a rubber, though. She isn’t the cleanest chick you want to bang, if you know what I’m saying. Who? Try the “Harlem Globetrotters”! No, not just one guy, the whole team! (Camera cuts to Owen hitting on the bride) Owen Wilson: (drunken) So, you know, I’m an actor. You ever see “SPEED”? Yeah…I’m the black dude who drives the bus and gets shot by that terrorist guy with the gun! Yeah, man, Dennis Hopper was great guy to work with! Hey, do you want to go to the bathroom and watch me throw up? (Camera cuts to Vince Vaughn hitting on Grandma) Vince Vaughn: (drunken) Hey Grandma! I’m been looking at your sagging breasts all night! What’s it going to take to get you to come home with me tonight? Grandma: Fuck off, sunny! Grandpa: Son, you better step off, before I give you a new asshole! Vince Vaughn: Grandma, I love that scent you’re wearing? Is that “Gold Bond Medicated Powder”? Hey, Grandpa, if you want to join us, I’ve never had a 3-way with old couple! Rock on! (Grandpa proceeds to punch out Vince Vaughn) (SUPER: LATER THAT NIGHT) (Vince Vaughn grabs the microphone, about to give a toast) Vince Vaughn: Excuse me! Excuse me! I’d like to make a toast to the bride and groom. First off, I’ve come to realize tonight, that the two of you are meant to be together. Folks, you should see it, the bride has the groom’s name tattooed in her bikini line. She showed it to me, it’s marvelous. (Owen grabs the microphone from Vince) Owen Wilson: Hey, one of the bride’s maids gave me their panties. I don’t know who she was…they are pink with flowers. Tina, are they yours? It doesn’t matter. I’m drunk. (Owen passes out on the table; Vince grabs the microphone and finishes his toast) Vince Vaughn: Folks, I want to thank you for letting us into your wedding reception. I hope you all had fun. I hope to be leaving with a few of the bride’s maids. You know who you are…even you, Grandma! Owen and I were here to “crash” your wedding reception and we’ve done so much more. So, I’d like to end my toast by saying, go see “THE WEDDING CRASHERS”, opening July 15th. You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll lose control of your bodily functions. Hey DJ Wick-Whack, play that funky music, white boy! (DJ WICK-WHACK begins playing “Play That Funky Music White Boy”) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
