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.....Morgan Spurlock Michael Moore.....Darrell Hammond White House Aide.....Fred Armisen President Bush.....Will Forte Camera Man.....Rob Riggle Taco Bell Manager.....Chris Parnell Pimp.....Finesse Mitchell Hooker.....Maya Rudolph (Fade in) Morgan Spurlock (V/O): For our final 30-Day challenge, we went political. I’ve been talking to good friend of mine, Michael Moore, and he told me, that I should attempt to shake the political tree. I decided to propose a challenge to the President of The United States. Bush has to take a leave of absence from the White House, and spend the next 30 days getting a new job, getting his own apartment and try to survive. He will do this without the help of his advisors, his father, and his brothers and without the help of Dick Cheney or Karl Rove. Also, he will do this in a low-income section of downtown Cleveland, like I had to do in the first episode of 30 Days. Get ready; America…the revolution is about to be televised. (Cut to Morgan & Michael Moore about to meet with President Bush) Morgan Spurlock: I’m a little nervous, Michael! It’s like I’m about to have a meeting with The Godfather. Michael Moore: Relax, Morgan. You’re not meeting The Godfather; you’re about to meet a man who runs the country. Relax. White House Aide: Mr. Spurlock, Mr. Moore, The President will see you now! (Cut to The Oval Office) President Bush: Michael, it’s good to see you again! And you, I love those “redneck” jokes! Morgan Spurlock: (To Michael Moore) Redneck jokes? Doesn’t he know who I am? Michael Moore: Don’t worry about it. Morgan Spurlock: Mr. President, I’m sure you read my proposal, for you do go through with the challenge? President Bush: You bet! I’m willing to do this because, frankly, I want the American people to know…that fear is certain not a factor for me! Morgan Spurlock: Fear Factor? Well, Mr. President, remember, you can’t bring anything with you, but the clothes on your back. President Bush: I’m ready! Morgan Spurlock: Mr. President, we’ll see you in 30 days! (Cut to Day One) Morgan Spurlock (V/O): George W. Bush was put on a Greyhound bus at 4am, leaving from Washington DC bus terminal, heading to Cleveland Bus Depot. He arrived in Cleveland at roughly Noon on Day One. He was tired, hungry and annoyed, because at Noon in Washington DC, he would have been in the Oval Office, watching “Blue’s Clues” and munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while the world was falling apart. He only had $5 in his pocket, which he was given before he left Washington DC, as “in case of emergency money”. Bush went to the nearest Taco Bell. He soon realized that food cost money in the real world. Exactly 20 minutes from arriving in Cleveland, the President had spent the only money he had. (Cut to Bush outside the Taco Bell, pleading to the cameraman) President Bush: Do you have any money? Please! Can I talk to Morgan? (Cameraman gives Bush a cell phone that is calling Morgan) Hey Morgan! I want out! It’s cold out here! I’m the President! I shouldn’t be treated like this! I need to use the bathroom, but the manager in the Taco Bell said “Customers & Employees Only”. I need to take a “two”! Help me! Fine! I’ll get a job! (Cut to Bush filling out an application; meets the Taco Bell manager; leaves the Taco Bell location) That was a failure! They wanted someone with more “fast food experience”. God dang it! I’m still cold! I’m tired. Hey, there is a guy who looks like Colin Powell…and he’s talk with a woman that looks like Connie Rice. Maybe they know where I can get some sleep! (Cut to Bush approaching a Pimp and a Hooker on the street corner) Hi! I’m George! Hooker: You wanna party? President Bush: My partying days are over! Do you all know where I can find a bed? Pimp: A bed party will cost you 40 up front, 20 after the party! President Bush: I don’t have any money. Sir, should your friend be smoking? She’s pregnant! I don’t think I want to party with her, anyhow. Pimp: Man, do you want get some service or not? President Bush: Do you know where I can get a job? Pimp: You want a job? That will cost you 30, and you gotta go to the back alley! President Bush: I need work! Pimp: Work? Okay, fine…I got work for you! (Cut to President Bush in drag, dressed like a hooker) President Bush: Hey fella, I’m cold! Pimp: Shut up, bitch! You better have my money! President Bush: I’m not getting any money here. And I think I got herpes from that last john! Pimp: You’re used goods, sweetheart. You’re fired! President Bush: (walking away) I quit! I want to call Morgan! (Cameraman hands Bush a cell phone that is calling Morgan) Morgan, I quit! I give up! (Camera pans out) Morgan Spurlock: Well, that’s it for another 30 Days. What have we learned here, today? Well, that even the leader of the free world can’t even last one day in the real world without his comfortable bed or his rich diet or without money. Now, let’s see what else happened. Morgan Spurlock (V/O): In the 17 hours that President Bush was gone from Washington DC, the Republican party managed to be overthrown by the new President of the United States, John Kerry; Dick Cheney had a heart attack and died; troops were pulled out of Iraq and peace was made. The Iraqi people voted their new President, Jon Lovitz, into office. Jon Lovitz has quickly become a god among the Iraqi people. And yes, that is the ticket. President Bush is now co-hosting a morning television show in Texas. “Co-hosting” is an exaggeration, actually. Bush is featured in a daily segment called, “An Ex-President Does Stupid Dog Tricks”. (Camera pans to Morgan walking down the sidewalk) Morgan Spurlock: I guess you could say, it takes an extra little bit of straw, to truly break the camel’s back! I’m Morgan Spurlock, and this has been another meaningful “30 Days”! (Ending credits roll) Announcer: Coming up next on FX, Anthony Anderson and Jerry O’Connell share the screen with a kangaroo in the FX Late Night movie, “Kangaroo Jack”. Only on FX! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
