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Willy Wonka.....Johnny Depp Charlie.....Amy Poehler Grandpa Joe.....Lorne Michaels Charlie’s Mother.....Tina Fey (Fade in) (The doors to the elevator on the 8th floor of 30 Rockefeller open) (Willy Wonka and an entourage of “Oomph Lompas” exit the elevator and begin parading around the 8th floor) (Cut to Charlie & Grandpa Joe at their home) Charlie: Grandpa Joe, do you think I have a chance of finding the “Golden Ticket”? Grandpa Joe: Charlie, you have a better chance than everybody else…because you want it more than anybody! (Hands Charlie a wrapped chocolate bar) Here Charlie! I got you this. I know you want to meet Willy Wonka…I just hope he’s not a sexual deviant like Michael Jackson. Charlie: Oh, thank you, Grandpa Joe! (Maniacally opens the wrapped Chocolate bar) I got it! I got it! I found the Golden Ticket! Grandpa Joe: I’m very proud of you, Charlie! (Charlie’s mother suddenly appears) Charlie’s Mother: That’s wonderful to hear, Charlie. Turn on the television! I heard Mr. Wonka’s guest hosting Saturday Night Live, tonight! (Charlie turns on the television, revealing Willy Wonka dancing around Studio 8H) Willy Wonka: This is magical! This is wonderful! (Cut back to Charlie) Charlie: I’m going to run to the studio and show him and everyone that I’ve got the Golden Ticket! (Cut to “pre-taped” footage of Charlie running through the slums of New York City, into Time Square, to NBC Studios) (Cut to more pre-taped footage of Charlie rushing up the steps to the 8th floor) (Cut to the door to 8th floor stairwell opening; Charlie rushes into studio 8H) Charlie: Mr. Wonka! Mr. Wonka! Willy Wonka: Oh, look! It’s a young boy! Charlie: I found the Golden Ticket! Willy Wonka: Oh! My god! Well, we must rush to the top of this building…so I can show you the elevator of the sky! (Charlie and Willy Wonka rush to the elevators; the elevator doors open and Willy and Charlie enter) (Cut to Willy’s entourage of “Oompa Loompas” on SNL’s home base stage, singing) Oompa Loompas: "Oompa loompa doompadee doo, I’ve a little question you…what do you get when a candy empire is falling and you like little boys…If you’re name was Michael Jackson, you have an answer to the question I’m asking you…Oompa loompa doompadee doo…I don’t think you get what we are saying to you…Michael Jackson likes little boys…so does our boss, Willy Wonka, too…Like the oompa loompa doompadee do!" (Cut to Willy Wonka and Charlie on atop 30 Rockefeller Center) Charlie: Mr. Wonka, why did you molest me in the elevator? Willy Wonka: Well Charlie, I did that, because I love little boys. Now, remember, I’m giving you the chocolate factory, because it’s losing money, plus, it’s paying you for your silence. You’re not going to tell anyone about me molesting you, are you? Charlie: Well now, I don’t know. You just said the chocolate factory is losing money…I could get a lot more from a court settlement… Willy Wonka: Well Charlie, I didn’t want to have to do this…but I’m going to have to kill you now! Charlie: But why? Willy Wonka: I’m getting this feeling that you aren’t going to play by the rules! Someone like Martin Bashir or Billy Bush comes snooping around for a story, you will spill your guts. Sorry Charlie, you understand! (Willy grabs Charlie and throws him off the roof of the building) Willy Wonka: It’s too bad. He was magical! Well… (Begins walking away; turns around to the camera) "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!" Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
