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Ray Ray…Finesse Mitchell Mo Willie…Kenan Thompson Caller…Darrell Hammond (voice) White Boy…Jason Sudeikis Jada Stokes…Maya Rudolph Official…Steve Carell Guards…Chris Parnell, Fred Armisen (Fade in) Mo Willie: Yo! Yo! Welcome back to The Lootin’ Shoppin’ Network! We got a lot of good stuff on the block this hour. We got some television sets, some bouncin’ boom boxes and you won’t believe how crap we got while we went looting on Bourbon Street, this morning! Ray Ray: Yeah! We gots the hook up! Our first item on the block is this “like new” roe boat! Mo Willie: Ray Ray, ain’t that a canoe? Ray Ray: I don’t know. I know white people like to use this while going down a river wild! Mo Willie: White people and their stupid ass extreme sports! Ray Ray: Crazy white people! This “roe boat” will get you from A to B, particularly if you are trying get from New Orleans to San Antonito. We only have one of these in stock right now. Mo Willie: Call the number below, 1-800-CRAZY-BITCH-KATRINA! (SUPER: 1-800-CRAZY-BITCH-KATRINA!) Ray Ray: Yo! We gots a caller! Hello? Caller: Yeah, how much you asking? Ray Ray: How much you got? Caller: ‘Bout 6 bucks. Mo Willie: Sold, to the poor ass broke dude! Now brother, you gotta come down to the studio and get it! Caller: Cool. Ray Ray: What else to you got? Mo Willie: Next on the block, we know that all of us guys are getting crazy, because we don’t have our porn or our ladies, willing to give us on “tang”. Well, next we got my girlfriend, Jada Stokes. (Enter Jada Stokes, a pregnant woman) Ray Ray: Mo, your girlfriend’s pregnant, dawg! Mo Willie: Yeah, what you complaining about? Ray Ray: Well folks, any love is good one. Take what you can get! Mo Willie: For $26 or best offer, you get my pregnant girlfriend in the janitor’s closet downstairs for a half-hour. First caller gets her! White Boy: I’ll take that action! Right here! Mo Willie: White Boy, shut up, you work here, man! White Boy: Hey man, I got 26 bucks! Mo Willie: We have a winner! Jada, get over there and please the man! Jada Stokes: Come on White Boy…gimme that little white dangler! White Boy: Sweet! Jada Stokes: Don’t hit my baby’s head! (White Boy & Jada Stokes exit the studio) Mo Willie: Happy customer, I know! Ray Ray, what else we got on the block? Ray Ray: Well, we got… (The entrance of a government official cuts off Ray Ray) Official: Excuse me! I am a government official! I have been instructed to shut down your little show here, because the government understands that you have stolen these goods and are trying to re-sell them. And, as you know, that is against the law! Gentlemen… (Enter 2 Guards) Cuff them, take them away! Ray Ray: Rodney King! Rodney King! Mo Willie: Call my lawyer! Call my lawyer! (Exit Ray Ray and Mo Willie, 2 Guards) Official: Okay folks, next on “The Looting Shopping Network”, we’re are going to be selling off Mr. Ray Ray and Mr. Mo Willie’s record collections and all of their belongings…that’s next! And later, we will be selling off big bag of weed, we found at Mo Willie’s crib. (Cue Music – “Relax” by Frankie Goes To Hollywood) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
