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...Don Pardo ...Lorne Michaels [IMAGE: The "Saturday Night Live" logo] Don Pardo (VO): Great news, SNL fans! We've got some incredible shows coming up in the next few months that we just had to tell you about! Having decided to build upon tonight's return of Ashlee Simpson, "Saturday Night Live" is proud to announce the return of other controversial guests who either flopped on the show or caused some sort of controversy! This November, get ready for host Martin Lawrence and musical guest Sinead O'Connor! This time Martin will be talking about men's personal hygiene, so don't be surprised if he "whips it out" on air! And, we have it on good authority that Ms. O'Connor will tear up a picture of the Dalai Lama, so don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime television event on November 12! Then, prepare yourselves for Steven Seagal and System of the Down on November 19! How many times will System of the Down manage to get curse words past the censors? Only time will tell! However, we should note that Mr. Seagal may have to be replaced since we've been having trouble locating the ditch that he's been residing in for the last eleven years. The month of December features three power-house hosts and musical guests who are guaranteed to knock your socks off! The month kicks off with a bang, literally, with the long-awaited return of exonerated-felon Robert Blake with musical guests Rage Against The Machine! Even though he was acquitted of murdering his wife, Mr. Blake is still angry with the world, so don't be surprised if he murders some of our cast members during the show! Who will bite the dust? Tune in December 3rd to find out! December 10th features the dynamic return of "King Kong" star Adrien Brody with musical legend Elvis Costello. Expect both gentlemen to ignore the script and do whatever the hell they want, much to the delight of the cast and crew! Who knows what could happen? We sure don't! It all comes to a head on December 17 with the biggest show of all when two titans both return to the show for their third times at bat! That's right America, Robert DeNiro and Ashlee Simpson return yet again as host and musical guest, respectively! We've already given them both two chances to prove themselves, so what's the harm in a third? I mean, the third time has got to be the charm, right? So, tune in to "Saturday Night Live" this fall for shows that are guaranteed to become instant classics! I'm Don Pardo wishing you all a pleasant Saturday night! [muttering to himself] Lord knows we won't see another one until January... [Suddenly, Lorne Michaels interrupts Don Pardo.] Lorne Michaels (VO): Great news, Don! We just booked Frank Zappa's decayed nose as the host and musical guest for the show on January 14! We're also THIS close to getting Milton Berle's preserved penis as the host for January 21st! Don Pardo (VO): [fake enthusiasm] Oh, that's wonderful, Lorne! [muttering to himself] I need a drink... [FADE OUT] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
