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Announcer…Chris Parnell President Mackenzie Allen…Catherine Zeta-Jones Chief Of Staff Jim Gardner…Finesse Mitchell First Man Rod Allen…Chris Parnell Press Secretary Kelly Ludlow…Amy Poehler House Speaker Nathan Templeton…Darrell Hammond Senator Daniels…Will Forte Harriet Miers…Rachel Dratch (Fade in) (ABC bumper) (As Announcer talks, a montage of Geena Davis as The President) Announcer: Hey NBC, you think you’ve got the only Presidential drama on TV? Guess what, you’re wrong! ABC has a Presidential drama, too – and guess what, our president has a vagina! Top that, NBC! ABC’s new hit drama “Commander In Chief”! Geena Davis stars as President Mackenzie Allen! The very first female President of The United States! Think she’s prissy because she has kids and wears dresses? Well, guess what – she’s playing hardball! And you know what, those aren’t dresses! Those are pantsuits! Wonderful, multi-colored pantsuits! Don’t miss a minute of this week’s “Commander In Chief” – ripped straight from the headlines! (Cut to President Allen surrounded by her advisors in the Oval Office) Chief Of Staff Jim Gardner: Madam President, I advise you, she’s unqualified for the position! It’s bad enough the critics are watching and bashing your every move! President Allen: Don’t talk to me like that, Jim! I’m the President of the United States! I have a vagina! You don’t know anything about that! (The First Man enters the Oval Office) The First Man: Mackenzie, honey, Horace just got caught with “pot” at school! President Allen: Rod, don’t talk to me like that! I have a vagina! Get out of here! (The Press Secretary enters the Oval Office) Press Secretary Kelly Ludlow: Madam President, the press wants to know if you are planning on trade marking the word “vagina”. President Allen: Don’t talk to me like that! I’m the President! (Cut to Nathan Templeton in a limo with a mysterious look on his voice, talking to Senator Daniels) House Speaker Nathan Templeton: Senator Daniels, did you read the papers today? It seems that The President’s “fur-burger” is getting in the way of her decision-making. (Cut back to the Oval Office) Chief Of Staff Jim Gardner: Madam President, I advise you, she is not the right person for the Supreme Court! She isn’t qualified! President Allen: She’s my only choice, Jim! I don’t want the same old “song and dance” Supreme Court we’ve been dealing with the last 200 years! Announcer: Don’t miss a special cameo by Supreme Court Justice nominee Harriet Miers as President Allen’s former college roommate! (Enter Harriet Miers) Harriet Miers: Mackenzie! President Allen: Harriet! (The President & Harriet Miers hug in the middle of the Oval Office) Harriet Miers: It’s been a long time! President Allen: Jim, now do understand why I want my old college roommate to be the next Supreme Court Justice? (Close up of The First Man & The Chief of Staff in the corner of the Oval Office) First Man Rod Allen: (To Chief Of Staff) And that is why she is the greatest woman to ever hold this office. Chief Of Staff Jim Gardner: (To The First Man) Even though, she’s the only female President there has ever been? Announcer: Don’t miss “Commander In Chief”! ABC – Tuesdays 9pm Eastern! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
