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Announcer (voice)...Chris Parnell Jessica...Catherine Zeta-Jones Customer 1...Seth Meyers Beverly...Amy Poehler Customer 2...Fred Armisen Coworker...Horatio Sanz Customer 3...Andy Samberg (filmed segment showing clips of new show) Announcer (voice): Coming this winter on A&E! (several clips of a building shown while announcer is talking) You loved Family Plots! You couldn’t get enough of Airline! Now, get ready for another work-related reality TV show, when A&E Television brings you.... DMV!!!!!!!! Watch your average every day Department of Motor Vehicles as the people who work there try their best to piss everyone off. (clip of Jessica talking with customer) Jessica: Hello, I’m Jessica, can I help you? Customer 1: Oh, can you help me? I’ve been waiting, along with the fifty-plus people in here for over an hour. Jessica: Please calm down, sir. Customer 1: I will not calm down. It’s bad enough that I have to come here to make a payment on my car, but to.... Jessica: Hold on just a minute. Customer 1: No....don’t go away. Jessica: Just one moment. (Jessica leaves table and goes out back) Customer 1: AAAAHHHHHH!!!! Love it here. Just love it. (cut to Jessica standing behind door doing her nails) (black screen with announcer) Announcer (voice): DMV shows the tough real-life challenges that workers here face everyday. (clip of Beverly talking with Jessica) Beverly: Okay, honey, what’s wrong? Jessica: Bev, this man filled out the wrong form. Beverly: Oh yeah, this is the wrong form. The form you were supposed to fill out is a over here. Customer 2: Well, this is the form that I was given. Surely, you can look over this mistake, I really need to get to my daughter’s play. Jessica: No need to get snippy with us. We have a rough job here. Beverly: Yeah, so just fill out this new seventy-four page form and we’ll get you into our system for payment. Customer 2: Uh, Bev, I’ve been sitting here for over.... Beverly: Uh, OK, don’t call me Bev. She can call me Bev. She is my friend. You can’t even call me Beverly. Customer 2: Look, I’m sorry. It’s just that... Beverly: You don’t call me anything, alright? Look, I think the phone’s ringing. Jessica: Yeah, I hear it, too. (both go out back) Customer 2: For the love of God, no. Please come back. Jesus!!!!! (black screen again) Announcer (voice): USA Today says, “DMV is a true reality show that can get under your skin with lots of tension!” (as the word “tension” is said, clip is shown of many people sitting on the benches waiting for their numbers to be called for several seconds with no sound) (black screen once again) Announcer (voice): The New York Post says, “Riveting! As close to the real thing as you can get!” Peter Travers says, “I felt like leaving the room, I was so frustrated! Then, I realized, I was at home, and that this really wasn’t happening to me! Truly brilliant reality at it’s best!” (clip of Jessica and coworker eating at a lunch table in the back, not saying a word to each other; at the same time, screams can be heard from the open area but not seen: most notably angry customers) Announcer (voice): Tune in to A&E, Fridays at 9pm eastern, 8pm central.... (clip of Jessica talking to customer) Customer 3: I just came for my license. Jessica: Uh-huh, honey. And what can I do for you? Customer 3: I don’t know. I just said I needed a license. I think you need to take my picture or... Jessica: Just fill out this form, then we can take your picture. (Jessica takes out enormous form the size of a dictionary and plops it on desk) Customer 3: What the...? Jessica: When you’re done, just get back in line, and we’ll see what we can do for you. Bye now. (black screen) Announcer (voice): A&E. Sucking the life out of our network and joining the gang in reality TV. (fade) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
