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Harvey…Finesse Mitchell Ant…Chris Parnell Nicole Richie…Rachel Dratch Tara Reid…Catherine Zeta-Jones Lindsay Lohan…Amy Poehler Paris Hilton…Tina Fey Clay Aiken…Fred Armisen (Fade in) Ant: (voice over) Welcome back to “Celebrity Fit Club 3: Packing On The LBS”. On our last episode, we came to find that Nicole Richie lost her entire body weight, as well as her once beautiful breasts. This week, Harvey attempted to grill Lindsay Lohan and Tara Reid. Harvey: Lindsay, Tara, how do you think you’ve become so skinny? Lindsay Lohan: Well, I’m always working on a movie, and I never like the food on set. I’d rather not eat than eat crap like that. Harvey: Tara, what’s your story? (Tara proceeds to throw up all over Harvey) Tara Reid: Sorry Harvey. I partied all night with the guys from the Bare Naked Ladies! Lindsay Lohan: Tara, those weren’t the Bare Naked Ladies…those were a bunch of bare naked transsexuals from Nova Scotia. Tara Reid: Whatever! Woo! (Proceeds to throw up on Lindsay) Sorry. Ant: (voice over) And now, it’s time for the final weigh-in! Harvey: So, ladies, you mean to tell me, you lost 214 pounds in the 3 weeks we’ve been doing this show? What the (beep)! I (beep)-in’ quit! (Harvey walks off the set; Paris, Lindsay, Nicole and Clay chase after him) Clay Aiken: Harvey, we’ve all never had sex with a black dude before! Come back! (Ant and Tara Reid stand alone in the studio) Tara Reid: So, do you want party with me? Ant: I’m gay. Tara Reid: Whatever! (Throws up on Ant) Woo! Ant: (voice over) That’s it for this season of “Celebrity Fit Club”. And to answer your question, no, I wasn’t VH1 first choice for a gay comic to host this thing. Good night! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
