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Sean Hannity...Darrell Hammond Alan Colmes...Bill Hader Dr. Albert Phinneran...Chris Parnell (theme song and cut to show) Sean Hannity: Welcome to Hannity & Colmes. We have a lot to get to tonight. I first would like to get started on this issue with Harriet Miers and her nomination from the President. First of all, let me just say this: I have all the faith in the world in the president. He is my president. Alan Colmes: Yes, that’s.... Sean Hannity: I have all the faith in the world of him. Sure, she does see eye to eye with most people. She may not have the same credentials as the other justices of the Supreme Court. I’m fine with that. I’m fine with that. Nothing wrong with a little bit of diversity in actual ability on the bench. Alan Colmes: When you say diversity.... Sean Hannity: You have Harriet Miers, alright. Harriet Miers is a nice looking lady. Charming lady. The president loves her. So, what’s wrong with that? Anything wrong with that? Alan Colmes: You have to take into account that... Sean Hannity: On the other hand, the Republicans being in an uproar with the choice that President Bush has made, you have to agree somewhat with her mishandlings and misjudgment on some cases. That’s understandable. But, the true issue in this matter, is if she is qualified for the job. Once again, I say I trust the president. He is my president. Alan Colmes: Okay. But... Sean Hannity: You have to stick behind the president. Was it a good idea to invade Iraq? Of course it was. Should we do again, if necessary? Yes. My problem is, that people will not stick behind the president no matter what. He is our president, and we should be behind him 100%. I hate these people who look at what he’s done, and say, “Well, he shouldn’t have done this” or “He’s killed all of these people over there” or “There are no signs of weapons of mass destruction” or “No ties to Al Qaeda.” It all just makes me sick. If the president says it’s the truth, it’s the truth. End of story. (Colmes waiting to speak; Hannity stops) Alan Colmes: Um......yes. Okay. Let me just say.... Sean Hannity: You look at the president’s approval rating dropping every week. People, you have to consider that this is the liberal media giving you this junk. Not our news station. Those polls are all lies. All lies. I have the proof right here. You ask yourself, if I haven’t been polled, then where do they get the results? Because, they’re all made up, that’s why! Alan Colmes: Made up? Come on, Sean.... Sean Hannity: Let me finish. These polls are a mockery of a sham. You can not believe that these polls are all true. First of all, Iraq is ours. Just because people are dying over there every day doesn’t mean we haven’t won. We’ve won, folks. We’ve won, and that’s that. President Bush has done a phenomenal job at this war, and I back any other war he is going into. Here are the polls for our station; take a look. (Polls show 100% that Bush is doing a “SUPER” job of all counts) Alan Colmes: Now, see, that can’t be true. I know he’s not doing a good... Sean Hannity: Liberal bias is what it is. Alan, you know it, all of the liberals know it. You’re teasing a revolution to get Bush out of office. Bush is not the problem. The liberal media is. The conservative population is saying, “Hey, we know Bush is doing a great job. End of story.” Right? As much as I hate to say it, Al, conservatives are right behind Bush in his choice for Supreme Court Justice. Alan Colmes: You’re wrong about that. In nearly every newspaper.... Sean Hannity: Our first guest tonight is here to talk about the WWII soldier that was frozen in the ice after crashing into the Sierra Nevada mountains and freezing into a crevasse. Dr. Albert Phinneran is with us. Doctor, tell us what is going on. Dr. Albert Phinneran: Yes, it’s quite a discovery. He was first found... Sean Hannity: Doctor, the man had been stuck up there along with four or five other airmen in a plane. It seems hard to believe that something like this could go unnoticed for so many years. Tell me, who do you think was hiding the body all of this time? Dr. Albert Phinneran: I don’t know what you mean. Sean Hannity: Perhaps the liberals? Dr. Albert Phinneran: That’s absurd. I really... Sean Hannity: Sorry, just have to blame them at least once every five minutes. This is quite a find. Do you feel that our esteemed President Bush is the reason for finding this body? Here are some more questions I would like to ask: When the body thaws, will the WWII pilot have the ability to walk and talk, and if so, would he go up to our President and thank him for being in charge the time he was thawed out of the ice? Dr. Albert Phinneran: I really don’t think he’ll be alive and.... Sean Hannity: Before we let you go, doctor, Al, you want to say anything? Alan Colmes: Actually, yes. Dr. Phinneran, there has been information that there could be several more pilots up there frozen in the ice. Will there be any surveying of the area and... Sean Hannity: Cut it with the boring liberal chatter, for God’s sake. When we come back we will talk about the NRA bill that has been passed by Congress and my good buddy, President Bush. "Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!!!!!!!!" Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
