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Announcer...Chris Parnell Zorro...Horatio Sanz Zorro's Wife...Catherine Zeta-Jones Martinez...Fred Armisen Female Captive...Amy Poehler British General...Seth Meyers Basil...Will Forte [IMAGE: Zorro's trademark "Z"] Announcer (VO): Coming this fall, an all-new Zorro adventure unlike any other. After fifteen years in retirement, the master swordsman has gotten rusty. However, when his people need him the most, the Spanish hero gallantly answers the call and springs into action for the final time in the blockbuster movie event that could only be called..."The End of Zorro!" [SCENE: Zorro's home. The camera is positioned behind an unseen Zorro who is seated in a chair in front of his fireplace.] Zorro (VO): My people call for me. I can hear their cries for liberation. This looks like a job for...Zorro! [The camera turns to reveal a fat, overweight Zorro seated in the chair] Zorro: [proudly] Somebody needs to stand up for the innocent people, and that somebody is me! [Zorro pauses and sighs to himself] Zorro: [muttering] I just wish I could stand up out of this chair... Announcer (VO): All throughout this endeavor, Zorro will have his loyal wife cheering him on... [SCENE: Zorro's bedroom. Zorro is behind a screen changing into his Zorro outfit. Zorro's wife is standing in front of the screen and yelling at him.] Zorro's Wife: [angered] That's it! I've had it! I'm leaving you! I tried my best to deal with the weight gain, but it's just too much! I mean, I know Spanish guys are supposed to be fat and smell like rotten eggs, but this is taking things too far, Zorro! And now you want to go out and fight crime again? You won't survive for more than fifteen minutes before you drop dead from a heart attack! Zorro (VO): My wife, I will take your encouragement and use it to give me strength in the coming battle! Zorro's Wife: [confused] What? [shouting] You're not even listening to me! Zorro (VO): Yes, I am. I completely agree with what you are saying. Zorro's Wife: [impressed] Really? You do? Zorro (VO): Yes. I do think that my sword needs to be sharpened. Will you fetch Don Francisco for me? Zorro's Wife: [infuriated] Arrggh! Why you piece of -- Zorro (VO): [interrupting] Okay, I am ready to liberate my people... [Zorro steps forward from behind the curtain. His costume does not fit him anymore, as it is too tight and his belly hangs over the edge of his pants.] Zorro: Hmmm...I think you'll have to take it out a little. Zorro's Wife: [calmly] Oh really? [shouting] Well, I think you have to take it in a little! Lose some weight, jackass! Announcer (VO): Be prepared to be dazzled by Zorro's amazing skills... [SCENE: A forest. Zorro, equipped with his sword, is standing next to a tree with Martinez, his assistant.] Martinez: But, Senior Zorro, when is that last time that you swash-buckled? Zorro: It has been a while, but my skills have not left me. Stand back and prepared to be amazed. Martinez: If you say so, Senior Zorro. [Martinez takes a step back. Zorro then slashes the tree.] [The camera pulls back to reveal that Zorro created a "T" instead of his trademark "Z"] Martinez: [confused] Uh, Senior Zorro, you made a "T." Aren't you supposed to make a "Z"? You know, "Z" is for Zorro? Zorro: [wheezing] Yeah, I know, but that's all I can do. I can't get the wrist-motion going for the "Z" since it hurts too much. [muttering] Stupid arthritis... [Zorro rubs his wrist and winces] Martinez: Oh, okay. We can just say that it's a "T" for inspiring terror in the hearts of your enemies. Or something like that. Zorro: Yeah, that sounds good to me, my friend. Now, go fetch me my horse Tornado so I can charge into battle. Martinez: Oh sure. [pause] Oh wait, you don't remember? You tried sitting on him yesterday and squashed him into an enchilada. Zorro: [remembering] Oh yeah... Martinez: Incidentally, Senor Zorro, I must thank you for the delicious meal. My family hasn't eaten a fine-tasting horse like that since the last time you tried coming out of retirement. Zorro: [awkwardly] Uh, no problem. Announcer (VO): And, you can expect non-stop action when Zorro takes on his villainous foes... [SCENE: The British base. The evil British General has jailed the Spanish citizens in a huge cage.] Female Captive: [pleading] Save us, Zorro! Save us! [The British General laughs maniacally] British General: Your cries are falling on deaf ears! Your precious Zorro isn't coming to save you! Zorro (VO): Oh no? British General: [shocked] No, it can't be... [Zorro reveals himself from behind a curtain] Zorro: Ah, but it is. It is I, the man known only as Zorro! [pauses] And Rick to my close friends. Female Captive: [elated] Zorro! He's come to save us! Zorro: Yes, that is right. [to the British General] En garde, evil British general! British General: [laughing] I don't need a sword to defeat you, Zorro. [shouting] Basil! Come here, Basil! Zorro: [confused] Basil? [Basil, the British General's chef, arrives with a six-course meal.] British General: I told him to prepare this six-course meal just for you in the event that you actually showed up. Enjoy! [Zorro's eyes widen like saucers] Female Captive: [concerned] Uh, Zorro? Need some rescuing over here... [Zorro ignores the woman and just stares at the food while the British General laughs triumphantly] Announcer (VO): Will Zorro be able to liberate his people and save the day? Only time will tell... [SCENE: The British base. Zorro is seated at a table eating the six-course meal as the people in the cage are burning to death behind him.] Female Captive: Zorro! Save us! Please! [coughing] The fire is too much! Zorro: [irritated] Hang on! I'm eating here! Give me a minute! [muttering] Ungrateful bastards... [IMAGE: "The End of Zorro" movie poster] Announcer (VO): "The End of Zorro," coming to a theater near you this fall. The end is sooner than you think... 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