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Keith...Jason Lee Alex...Amy Poehler Audience Member 1...Andy Samberg Audience Member 2...Kenan Thompson Audience Member 3...Bill Hader Mother...Rachel Dratch (sketch takes place in a movie theatre with characters looking at the screen) Keith: Man, I’m so glad we’re watching this movie. I haven’t gone to a theatre in years. Alex: Well, I’m glad to bring you along. We’ve been dating for a week now, and thought a movie would be a great way to get into the romantic mood. Keith: No problem there. (both laugh) Alex: Ooooh, it’s starting. (lights dim and movie begins; caption comes on saying “One Hour Later”; couple is still watching the movie) Keith: Who’s that guy? Alex: That’s the spy. He was the one with the blonde hair in the beginning. Keith: The spy? The spy for what? Alex: (confused) The spy for the Russian government. At the beginning of the movie. Keith: Oh right, right. (couple of seconds go by as they both are eating popcorn) And who’s that guy? Alex: That’s the guy who’s spying on him. Keith: I don’t remember him in the beginning. Alex: Look, just watch. (couple seconds go by) Keith: I think I should know who the guy is. Audience Member 1: Quiet. Keith: Is he the man at the beginning with the sugar cone? Alex: What? Keith: The man at the start when he had ice cream and was talking to someone. Alex: That was a kid, Keith. Just watch the movie. Keith: But, I thought it was a guy. Alex: It was a kid. Keith: I know, but I thought it was a kid. Audience Member 2: Hey, we’re trying to watch the movie. Audience Member 1: Shut up. Keith: Sorry. (Caption: One Hour Later) Keith: Now, who’s she? Alex: She’s the girlfriend of the hero. Keith: Hero? Alex: (angry) The guy at the beginning spying on the spy. Keith: But, why are they pointing guns at each other? Alex: Because they are sworn enemies. Keith: But I thought the first guy was friends with the second guy. Not friends with the third guy, and from the start of the film he was helping the second guy get rid of the third guy. Alex: What is your problem? I thought you loved movies. Keith: I do love films. It’s just that, I can never seem to pay attention in a movie theatre. Audience Member 3: Shut the hell up. Keith: Sorry. (couple of seconds go by) Who’s he?!!! Alex: (enraged) That’s the same guy!!!! Keith: Which guy? Alex: Look, the man at the start of the film was a spy and his friend was was... Keith: Oh, I know that. But, who’s this guy? Alex: It’s the same guy. Keith: Oh. (couple seconds go by) Now, who’s this guy? Alex: (enfuriated and jumping up and down) It’s the same guy. It’s a new scene and he has changed clothing. He also looks like he may have put a baseball cap on. But, it is the same guy, the same guy, alright? Keith: Alright. Alex: My God. Keith: Now, where are they going? Alex: I don’t know, they’re in a car and I don’t know. Keith: What kind of car is that? Audience Members: SHUT UP!!!!! Keith: Whoa, easy, guys. (Caption: One Hour Later) Keith: (restless) How long is this movie? Alex: About three hours long. Keith: I hope it’s almost done. Alex: (bitter) Me too. (few seconds go by as loud noises come from screen) Keith: My God. That is just horrible. (Alex hides her face from the horror on the screen) Good Lord. Man, oh man. How brutal. Now, why we he do that to a friend of his? Alex: (staring at him with disbelief) That’s it. (Alex gets up and leaves) Keith: Wait, where are you going? I need to know what happened to the fourth and fifth guy, and the first woman and the kid...the kid with the sugar cone. What happened to the sugar cone kid? What happened????!!!! (later that day, cut to old woman in her house; Keith enters) Keith: Hi, Mom. Mother: Oh, hello dear. How are you? Keith: Oh, not good. I lost another date again. Mother: Oh, Alex? She was lovely. What happened? Keith: We went to the movies and she just went berserk. I don’t know. Mother: Oh, that’s too bad. You have a few messages. One from your friend, Jason. Keith: Jason, he’s the guy with the glasses, right? Mother: What? Keith: Jason’s the one with glasses? Mother: No, that’s Kirk. Jason is the guy with red hair. Keith: Oh, yeah. What did he want? Mother: He wanted to let you know that he will never be taking you to a hockey game ever again. He says telling you the rules every five minutes is ridiculous and unhealthy for him. And the other message is from your doctor about your disorder. Keith: Doctor Detroit? Mother: No, Doctor Spalding? Doctor Detroit was a movie. Keith: I better go see him then. The hospital is down the road and three blocks, right? Mother: No, it’s a couple miles away. You have to get on the highway, remember? Keith: I think so. Love ya, ma. (Keith leaves) Mother: I love that boy. Keith (voice): Is my car the blue one or the red one? (fin) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
