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Announcer…Don Pardo …Howard Stern (Fade in) Announcer: And now, a message from God. (Close up of Howard Stern sitting at a desk, much like the Oval Office set) (Stern stands up accepting the huge applause; sits down to speak) Howard Stern: Thank you. ‘Tis I, “The King Of All Media”! Ah, God couldn’t be here tonight, so that’s why I’m here. To, in a nutshell, speak for God. Even thou, many people think I am God. While others, like that guy “Pig Vomit”, think I’m like the “anti-Christ”. God asked me to read this…and just so you know, God isn’t sick…he doesn’t have the bird flu or anything like that. He hooked with this bangin’ chick at SCORES last night and he called me this afternoon and said, (Mimics God talking on the phone) “Howard, God here. Look, I’m booked for Saturday Night Live tonight. And I can’t go. That chick has a handful of roommates and they’ve all been going to town on each other! I don’t want to miss any of the action!” And you know, I don’t blame God! So, once again, that’s why I’m here. He faxed this speech over to me. Here I go. (Puts on his reading glasses) “America, God here. You all want to know if what Pat Robertson said is true. Do I plan to cause terror to a town that voted against “intelligent design”, and all of that? No, I do not plan to do anything! But maybe, I might curse Pat Robertson! Maybe I’ll have my good friend Michael Moore expose how much of a FRAUD he is! Pat, I got two words for you, TOM DELAY! Folks, Pat Robertson doesn’t no speak for me. Pat Robertson has never spoken for me! Thank you…and Eva Longoria, call me! Howard’s got my number!” (Folds letter; puts it aside) So that’s what God wanted me to tell you. Now, I’d like to say a few words here. I know God personally and he would never do anything to hurt the world, unless you count “creating” this show. (Laughs) But seriously, I don’t think God has ever had a bad or evil intention. I’d just like to take a moment, before I end my little skit here. SIRIUS satellite radio is the way to go. Radio is in a bad way and you know, there is going to come a time, very soon, when radio is killed by video…and by satellite! I’m Howard Stern, good night. Announcer: This has been a message from God, by way of Howard Stern. (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
