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Announcer…Chris Parnell Producer…Andy Samberg Markie Post…Eva Longoria Shelley Long…Amy Poehler Tony (Tony Danza)…Fred Armisen Angela (Judith Light)…Tina Fey Jonathan (Danny Pintauro)…Will Forte Samantha (Alyssa Milano)…Amy Poehler John Sebastian…Darrell Hammond (Fade in) Announcer: And now, it’s time for Nick At Nite’s newest late night venture, “The Markie Post Show”, with your host, former star of “Night Court”, Markie Post. (Cue Music – “Theme From Night Court”) (Close up of Markie Post passed out on her talk show desk) Producer: Markie, you’re on! Markie Post: (Shocked) What? Oh, hi. Welcome to my talk show. “The Markie Post Show”, catch it! I don’t have a co-host or a sidekick! It’s just me out here! Richard Moll kept begging me to be my sidekick, but I turned him down. So that means he's going to remain begging on the street. And with that, I’d like to start a new feature called: “80’s sitcom stars: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?” (SUPER: 80’s sitcom stars: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?) Ricky Schroeder…changed his name to “Rick”! That’s great, Rick! Now, I want fries with that! Kristie Alley…replaced that blonde chick on “Cheers” and got really fat! Hey fat cow, it’s called self-control! (Proceeds to drink a whole beer; belches) Harry Anderson…did the magic shtick…had another sitcom…fell into obscurity. Lucky bastard! Judge Wapner…not a sitcom star, but hell, “The People’s Court” was fun to watch when you were stoned! I heard he’s died…lucky bastard! And that was “80’s sitcom stars: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?” (SUPER: 80’s sitcom stars: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?) Umm, tonight, because this is my first and maybe only show, I was able to pull some strings to get a really top-notch guest. Please welcome, from “Cheers”, Shelley Long. (Enter Shelley Long; shakes Markie’s hand and sits down on the interview couch) Shelley Long: Thank you for having me here. Markie Post: Well, thank you for coming on. Did we take you away from anything? Shelley Long: Not really. I had the night off from the “Hyatt Hotel Dining Café”. Markie Post: Oh, you do some kind of celebrity dinner theatre of some kind? Shelley Long: No, I wait tables there. (Takes a sip from her coffee cup) Markie, this is vodka. Markie Post: Oh, did you want coffee? Shelley Long: No, this is fine. Do you have anything stronger? Markie Post: I think I have a bottle of “Jack” in my desk. (Starts sifting thru her desk drawers) What? Okay, I’m hearing from my producer, that we have to go to commercial. We’ll be back in a flash, more with Shelley Long. And later, we will have one of our cameramen, John Sebastian, play his hit TV theme song from “Welcome Back, Kotter”. More after this! (Cut to a Nick At Nite promo) (SUPER: WHO’S THE BOSS?) Announcer: On the next “Who’s The Boss?”, Jonathan has been caught trying on Angela’s clothes. (Cut to Tony and Angela talking in the living room) Tony: Hey Angela, you won’t believe what happened today! I’m coming home from grocery shopping, and I found Jonathan up in your room trying on your dresses and wearing lipstick. You know, Angela, I’d be a little worried. If I didn’t know any better, I think that kid is going to grow up gay! You better get a father figure in his life before he starts idolizing Cher. Angela, you can’t turn back time! (Jonathan comes running down the stair in one of Angela’s dresses and wearing lipstick; Samantha follows him) Jonathan: Tony, I got you babe! Tony: Oh geez! Samantha, go straighten out Jonathan. Go give him a blowjob! Jonathan: Oh, but I'd rather get one from you, Tony! Announcer: That’s on the next “Who’s The Boss?” (Cut back to “The Markie Post Show” studio) Markie Post: We are back with Shelley Long. During the break, Shelley was telling me how to make the perfect drink to knock yourself out. You said it put you in a 4-year coma. Shelley Long: 5-year coma, actually. Markie Post: Wow! I’m going to have to try that. While we are making the “Killer Bloody Coma Mary”, here is some entertainment, the music of one of our cameramen, John Sebastian. Here is the theme from “Welcome Back Kotter”. (Pan to a second stage set up in the corner of the studio as John Sebastian stands with his guitar) John Sebastian: (singing) "Welcome back, while your life is ticking back…welcome back, welcome back." (Stops the song) Oh screw it! Markie, Shelley, make me one of those…make it a double! (Camera pans back to Markie Post’s stage as her and Shelley are making drinks) Markie Post: John Sebastian! That was great! Hey folks, join me tomorrow night, if I wake up in the morning, my guests will be former Soap Opera heartthrob and former rock star Rick Springfield. Good night! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
