|
|
|
|
|
|
|
.....Weather Channel anchors
[ open on shining Weather Channel logo ] [ dissolve to: ] Dr. Steve Lyons: [ SUPER: Dr. Steve Lyons ] With 26 tropical storms and 13 full-fledged hurricanes, 2005 has been the most unusual hurricane season in recent memory. Perhaps.. of all time. [ cut to: ] Marshall Seese: [ SUPER: Marshall Seese ] We've only been on the air since 1982, so anything before that, we couldn't tell you. [ cut to: ] Jeanetta Jones: [ SUPER: Jeanetta Jones ] In 23 years, we've never experienced anything like this. I don't think there's even a word to describe what this hurricane season felt like. [ cut to: ] Bob Stokes: [ SUPER: Bob Stokes ] I'll give you a word. I'll give you two words to describe this hurricane season: friggin' awesome!! [ cut to: ] Jim Cantore: [ SUPER: Jim Cantore - Mike Siedel ] I haven't had this much fun during hurricane season since Andrew blew my pants off. Mike Siedel: Andrew as in the famous hurricane of 1992, right? [ slyly winks at the camera ] Jim Cantore: Right. [ suddenly realizes the joke ] You ass! [ punches Mike's arm ] [ cut to: ] Jennifer Lopez: [ SUPER: Jennifer Lopez ] It's serious business, but we had fun along the way. Dennis the Menace.. Katrina and the Waves.. Willlllll-maaaaa!! Who says we're uptight? My name's Jennifer Lopez, for God's sake - you bet we like to have fun. [ cut to: ] Dave Schwartz: [ SUPER: Dave Schwartz ] Our friends look up to us. Not just because we all have BLODs - buttload of degrees - and know everything there is to know about the weather, but also because we're attractive by nature, and viewers at home wish they could get a piece of that. [ cut to: ] Jim Cantore: [ SUPER: Jim Cantore ] This hurricane season was unprecedented. I mean, I was in North Carolina covering Ophelia, and I literally had to fight the babes off me. It was so intense that, even when the rain stopped, my raincoat stayed on. [ laughs ] I think you know what I mean! [ cut to: ] Heather Tesch: [ SUPER: Heather Tesch ] After Katrina, it seemed like every day we were reporting on a new breach in the levee system. [ video footage of Heather anchoring "Your Weather Today" with Marshall Seese ] Heather Tesch: [ on-air ] The Army Corps of Engineers in New Orleans reports yet another breach in the levee at the 17th Street Canal. Marshall Seese: Hot doggie! [ shot glasses are lined up at the weather desk, as Heather and Marshall each chug back a quick one ] [ cut to: ] Bob Stokes: Awesome. [ cut to: ] Stephanie Abrams: [ SUPER: Stephanie Abrams ] I was stationed in Florida during Wilma, and my nipples were erect. It wasn't just because it was cold standing out in the rain, but also because I was so excited that we made it to W so early in the season. [ cut to: ] Mike Bettes: [ SUPER: Mike Bettes ] Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon - this is living history. This is like communicating with your grandparents beyond the grave and saying, "You think the Holocaust was bad? Suck on the Greek alphabet, Grandma!" [ cut to: ] Jeff Morrow: [ SUPER: Jeff Morrow ] I don't care if you've seen Lindsay Lohan naked; nothing tops the excitement you feel when you start rattling off the Greek alphabet on live television. [ cut to: ] Jen Carfagno: [ SUPER: Jen Carfagno ] We had so many named storms this year, I began to wish I was getting paid on commission. [ cut to: ] Bob Stokes: And did you see what Katrina did to the Superdome? That was awesome! Sure, people had to die, but she ripped that mutha out - how awesome was that! And when the water started pouring in, it literally become a bowl within a bowl! Just mind-blowing, man! [ laughs hysterically ] Ohhh, God, I've got the munchies.. [ cut to Weather Channel logo ] Announcer: Congratulations to the staff and crew of The Weather Channel for helming another exciting hurricane season. We'll see all you chumps again next year. Same time, same place. Bob Stokes V/O: Awe-some! [ fade ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
