|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Announcer…Amy Poehler (voice) Geraldo Rivera…Darrell Hammond J. Morrison…Kristen Wiig James D. Morrison…Fred Armisen Jim Morrison…Alec Baldwin Jim Morrison’s False Singing Voice…Will Forte (voice) (Fade in) Announcer: This is a FOX NEWS special report. (SUPER: Geraldo Rivera: Special Edition – December 8, 2005) (Fade in on Geraldo Rivera on location, in a small town in France) Geraldo Rivera: Hello! This is Geraldo Rivera with a special edition report. I am here in this small town, somewhere in France. Now ever since “At Large with Geraldo Rivera” was cancelled last month, I knew I had to make some kind of comeback, some kind of back-stack…a back-a-rack…a mack-attack…(pause) I’m at a loss, I’m at a lack. (Pause) I’m Geraldo Rivera…and I will not be silenced! Today is of course the 25th anniversary of the death of John Lennon. But today is also another milestone of sorts in Rock-N-Roll. Today is what would have been the 62nd birthday of one of the great visionaries in the history of Rock-N-Roll. I’m of course talking about Jim Morrison…THE LIZARD KING! Now, tonight on “Geraldo Rivera: Special Edition”, we are going to attempt to expose the truth, the truth that Jim Morrison isn’t actually dead. There have been rumors for years and years that “The Lizard King” never actually died, but that his death was a hoax, like playing a Beatles record backwards and hearing “Paul is dead! Paul is dead!” Not true! Paul McCartney is ALIVE! The Geraldo Rivera investigating team, which is made up of me and me ONLY, have researched for hours and hours and days. And our investigating has lead to this place. We are here, just outside the possible residence of the aging “Lizard King”. We hope to get an interview with this mysterious gentleman, because we want to know the truth! Are people really strange? Also, we will ask why he faked his death! (Pause) That’s pretty obvious! (Geraldo Rivera walks up the steps of an apartment building; rings the bell for “J. Morrison”) Voice of J. Morrison: Hello? Geraldo Rivera: Hello! This is Geraldo Rivera! We’d like to speak to “J. Morrison”. Voice of J. Morrison: One minute. Geraldo Rivera: I wonder if this is the person we are looking for? (J. Morrison comes to the door) J. Morrison: (in a thick British accent) Hello? Geraldo Rivera: Yes. We’d like to talk to Jim Morrison! THE LIZARD KING! J. Morrison: Well, I’m the “Morrison” who lives here. I’m Jane Morrison. I don’t know a Jim Morrison. I don’t know who the bloody hell this “lizard king” is. Geraldo Rivera: Oh damn! J. Morrison: Please leave! (Slams the door shut in Rivera’s face) Geraldo Rivera: Oh! Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo! Are investigation has hit a snag! Let’s us go before she calls the “fuzz”! (Camera pans to another location in a small-town in France) We are here at a new location! We have found the residence of another “Morrison” in this wonderful little place we like to call “France”. Wee, wee! This is the home of James D. Morrison. He lives in this home, from what our sources said with 18 cats. (Mimics a cat crawling) Meow! Let’s see if this is home of “The Lizard King”! (Walks around the home to find an elderly man on his back porch) Hello? I’m Geraldo Rivera. I’m from America, by way of everywhere else! I’m looking for James D. Morrison. James D. Morrison: I’m James D. Morrison. Welcome. Geraldo Rivera: It’s a pleasure to meet you. Today wouldn’t happen to be your birthday, now would it? James D. Morrison: No. My birthday was back in July. Geraldo Rivera: Damn! Another fork in the road! How old might you be, sir? James D. Morrison: I’m 88. Geraldo Rivera: Damn! You’re too old to be the lizard king! James D. Morrison: What now? Geraldo Rivera: Nothing. Thank you for your time sir. (Walking away) To quote Tom Petty, “Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks. Some doors are open, some roads are blocked.” The search continues! Geraldo Rivera! (Camera pans to Geraldo Rivera at another location, in a small town in France) Once again, our investigating has led us to this location. We looked in the phonebook. We looked under the letter M. Under the last name “Morrison” we found another “James”. There were no “Jim’s” or “Lizard King’s”. (Geraldo Rivera begins walking up the steps to the front door of the residence of James Morrison) We hope this is the end of our journey. (Knocks on the door) Hey, look. I’m knocking on the door of the front man of “The Doors”. (Laughs) (Jim Morrison answers the door) Jim Morrison: Hello? Geraldo Rivera: Hello. Mr. Morrison, I’m Geraldo Rivera for FOX NEWS. We have been investigating this – trying to find the aging Jim Morrison, because we, I mean “I”, believe that the death of Jim Morrison is nothing but a hoax! Jim Morrison: Well, I’m probably not the Jim Morrison you are looking for. There is a Jim Morrison who lives on “Love Street” about 5 miles north of Paris. Geraldo Rivera: Hmm…a conundrum. Believe this Jim Morrison or not to believe this Jim Morrison…that is the question. Jim Morrison: Okay, Shakespeare. I’m going to close the door now. Geraldo Rivera: Wait a second! I have a question for you! Not a question, really, but a challenge. Could you please sing a few lines from “L.A. Woman”? Jim Morrison: I could. But I don’t sing. Geraldo Rivera: Oh come on! Everyone sings! My dog sings! My grandmother sings…and she’s a mute! I’m willing to bet my moustache that you are the real “Jim Morrison”. THE LIZARD KING! Please sing for us! Jim Morrison: Okay. (Cue Jim Morrison’s false singing voice done by Will Forte) "Well, I just got into town about an hour ago Took a look around, see which way the wind blow Where the little girls in their Hollywood bungalows." Jim Morrison: Is that good enough for you? I’m going to close the door now. I’m cold. (Jim Morrison closes the door) Geraldo Rivera: Well, it’s seems my dastardly deeds have once again bit me in the ass! Like the time I went into Al Capone’s vault to find that there was nothing in there. This is has been yet another sad day in the life of Geraldo Rivera. I think I’m going to see if I can uncover some pictures of Marilyn Monroe having sex with one of the Kennedy’s. That would be newsworthy! This has been Geraldo Rivera for FOX NEWS. Truth. Justice. And Jim Morrison is really dead! Good night. (Geraldo Rivera walks down the steps; Camera stays set on Jim Morrison’s front door; Jim Morrison pops his head out) Jim Morrison: (To Cameraman) I’m not dead…but please don’t tell anyone. (In his real singing voice) Come on, baby, LIGHT MY FIRE! (Jim Morrison closes the door) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
