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Announcer…Chris Parnell Gary Kelly…Jason Sudeikis Southwest employees…Fred, Will, Tina, Kristen, Amy, Bill, Andy, Rachel, Seth, Horatio (Fade in) Announcer: Now, a holiday message from Southwest Airlines. (Gary Kelly stands in the middle of PSA stage, shirtless with a tie around his neck) Gary Kelly: Hello. I’m Gary Kelly, the chief executive of Southwest Airlines. With the wonderful holiday season here, it’s important to remember that when traveling, look for the most reliable, manageable and safest form of getting to your destination. We here at Southwest are doing everything we can to make your holiday the most joyful and pleasant holiday you’ve ever had. True, airplane travel is no more deadly than driving or going by train, but here at Southwest we bet the shirt off our back that we will get you to your final destination, safely. Every holiday season is met and marred by plane crashes. We here at Southwest are doing what we can to meet the death quota. So folks, don’t think anything of the recent airplane that suddenly slid off the runway in Chicago. It was nothing. Just formality. Remember it’s not us…it’s the death quota! For everyone here at Southwest Airlines… (As Gary Kelly is finishing his speech, a mob of Southwest employees rushes the stage and attacks him) (Shouting over the crowd) I’d just like to say, happy holidays – one bag of peanuts per passenger and… (Gary Kelly collapses) Will: Is he dead? Tina: He is now. Horatio: Oh no! I’m not going back to jail! (Runs off the stage) (The mob looks into the camera) All: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, ITS SATURDAY NIGHT! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
