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Kevin…Jack Black Spokesperson…Chris Parnell Announcer…Don Pardo (voice) (Fade in) (A man is in an empty room, sitting on the floor shivering like a Chihuahua on a cold day; a television sits in front of the man) Spokesperson: This is Kevin. He’s a celebrity-obsessed person with nothing on his mind but the recent celebrity break ups of the year. Kevin is a man on celebrity. He can’t sleep…he can’t think. He cannot live without celebrity. The celebrities watching this might be wondering what they can to help Kevin and the millions of the other people who deal with the celebrity obsessed lifestyles. For started, you can start by handing over millions of your riches. But money isn’t everything these individuals. There are so many people that need your help. Will someone tell Billy Bush to stop shouting?! We get it, Billy! You have a ragging hard on for celebrity gossip. Simmer down! Celebrities you can help Kevin. Nick and Jessica, you can get back together…because we all know you were meant for each other. The same goes for you Brad and Jennifer. Although Jennifer and Vince Vaughn did look good together…ah, Kevin, what would you like? Kevin: BRAD & JEN! BRAD & JEN! Spokesperson: Sorry Vince. Brad and Jennifer, get back together! Get back together…for the good of mankind! And lastly, Angelina Jolie: I think the understanding is that you belong with Colin Farrell. I just seem right in our society and on this day of the week…and stop coming back from poverty-stricken countries with more children. It’s becoming a bit of a buzz kill. Right Kevin? Kevin: REAL BUZZ KILL! Spokesperson: Help Kevin…and millions of other celebrity-obsessed people. And DOWN WITH THE PAPARAZZI! (Fade to black) Announcer: This has been a message paid for by the Foundation of United Celebrity-obsessed Kevin’s. (Bumper for the foundation “FUCK”) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
