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Announcer (voice)...Chris Parnell Pat Robertson...Darrell Hammond Gordon Robertson...Will Forte Coach...Seth Meyers Football Player...Jason Sudeikis Football Player...Kenan Thompson Terry Meeuwsen...Amy Poehler Crippled Boy...Andy Samberg Mother...Maya Rudolph (filmed commercial for upcoming week of shows) Announcer (voice): This week on The 700 Club... (shows Robertson at desk) Pat Robertson: We will set aside a week on the show to discuss children’s lives with the Lord. Discussion will include the tragic incident in Florida in which a young student was shot and wounded by a SWAT team as he was carrying a rifle, and how his lack of faith in the word of the Lord led to his inevitable punishment. The week will also include a conversation with a college football team and the usefulness of prayer in the locker room. (cut to locker room) Gordon Robertson: Young men, you did your very best, and you should all be proud. The reason you lost, however, was not because you weren’t good enough, but because you did not pray. Coach: But we did pray, Gordon. Gordon Robertson: Well, evidently, not hard enough. Coach: Everybody has to lose. Gordon Robertson: In God’s eyes, we are all winners. But we must have faith in order to become winners. (coach and football players look at each other with confusion) (back to set) Pat Robertson: We will also have a heartfelt documentary on the brave little boy of Tulsa, Oklahoma who has had to deal with unbearable hardships his whole life. (cut to bedroom) Terry Meeuwsen: You are one brave, young man. Crippled Boy: Thank you. Mother: He’s a remarkable boy. Since his legs were crippled in that car accident, he has made sure he will do anything in his life to make up for his own mistakes. Crippled Boy: That’s right. I know I’m to blame for that crash, and now, my faith in the Lord is abundant. I read the Bible every chance I get, ride my wheelchair to the church about three times a day, and in my spare time, I give my valuables that I treasure away to the needy. (roof collapses and crushes boy) Terry Meeuswen: Too little, too late. (back to studio) Pat Robertson: In the coming months, we will also be looking at the victims of rape and molestation, and the reasons as to why they happened. The answers may shock you. Or, they probably won’t. Announcer (voice): Coming up on The 700 Club. (fin) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
