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Fred Prescott...Kenan Thompson Dr. Harold Manfredini...Steve Martin Caller (voice)...Chris Parnell (show is inside radio station with mikes and glass) Fred Prescott: It's 10:00 P.M., and you are listening to WDHG: Talk Radio of Seattle. I'm Fred Prescott and this is Health Talk. We would like to apologize for last week's segment on teaching children about sex. Apparently, just stating the "birds and the bees" does nothing, and only confuses them. Tonight, we will be continuing our conversation on a sexual nature with Dr. Harold Manfredini. Doctor, thank you for talking with us tonight. Dr. Harold Manfredini: It's great to be here. I'm here to help. Fred Prescott: Yes. Now, doctor, over the past few decades, there has been concern over abstinence in the younger portion of the world. Tell us about that. Dr. Harold Manfredini: That's right, Fred. Refraining from any sexual nature is the safest way to stay away from any transmitted diseases. Fred Prescott: This can cause a problem, won't it? Obviously, many younger listeners tuning in tonight will assure you that just not having sex is easier said than done. Dr. Harold Manfredini: It is a problem. That is why the healthiest way to flush out your animal urges is to flog the dolphin. Fred Prescott: That's a great point. Many adolescent listeners probably choke the chicken all of the time. But, let me ask you this, do these younger kids know that milking the skinny cow is safe? Dr. Harold Manfredini: Sadly, very few do. That's why I'm here to say to all followers of your show tuning in now. It is perfectly normal to be cheesing the cottage. Tarring the lightpole is perfectly secure, and Greenwiching your Mean Time is practical and convenient. Fred Prescott: Of course, slapping the hairless dog is acceptable, but many religions do not condone the lighthouse lift. What do you have to say to this? Dr. Harold Manfredini: Unfortunately, religion denouncing any type of self-gratification just causes unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases when people have sex. That is why I encourage everyone out there that molding the cheddar is quite common and there is nothing wrong with that. Koalaing the Jabberjaw is normal. Fred Prescott: Many of our fans will probably be wondering about several ways a man can obstruct his fleshy justice. Tell us many of the different situations in which a guy can manipulate his avocado. Dr. Harold Manfredini: There are many ways in which a dude can licorice hip the wooden frame. One can just use their hand to obliviate the acoustic guitar. Others find lubrication more stimulating and realistic in their cacti-retrospective. Fred Prescott: Good to know. We have a caller. You're on Health Talk. Caller (voice): Hi. I just tuned in about two minutes ago and I have no idea what you are talking about? Dr. Harold Manfredini: We're just speaking about the necessity in Philadelphiaing the Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ram. Caller (voice): Uh..... Fred Prescott: You know, when a man hasn't had sexual relations and he has to resort to iglooing the 17 year-old tricycle. Caller (voice): Mmmmmm.....I don't... Dr. Harold Manfredini: The sodium glutamate of the strobe light? Fred Prescott: The evisceration of a Domino's pan pizza? Caller (voice): I really have no idea what the hell you are talking about. Dr. Harold Manfredini: I guess we are using the slang version of what we are really trying to say. What we have been talking about for the last five minutes is, of course, the steeplechase. Caller (voice): Still don't know. Fred Prescott: The internationalization of the circular cubicle? Dr. Harold Manfredini: The gutterball hairpin of the judicial centaur? Fred Prescott: Pumpkin-washing machine-CelRay-Tyrannosaurus Rex-Chappaquiddic-toilet brush? Caller (voice): (just realizing) Omigod. That's what you were talking about. Sorry to question you on that. Dr. Harold Manfredini: It's no problem. Caller (voice): I have another question. Dr. Harold Manfredini: Yes? Caller (voice): Is it normal to every once in a while, stubborn-Members Only jacket the camouflaged reuben over someone else? (Prescott pushes the button and caller is disconnected) Dr. Harold Manfredini: Thank you. Fred Prescott: Doctor, what about the opposite sex? The female version of us. What should your average woman do to combat any sexual desires? Dr. Harold Manfredini: Well, one must hope that they do the same thing, only in this case, they tame their muffins. Fred Prescott: Caressing the peachfuzz? Dr. Harold Manfredini: Absolutely right. Whirligigging the fishy moustache is the way to go for all girls. Fred Prescott: Doctor, I would like to thank you for stopping by with us. Dr. Harold Manfredini: Thank you. It truly was a pleasure. Fred Prescott: One last thing. Make sure you pick a copy of Doctor Manfredini's book on shelves now: Scuttlebutting The DooRag Fettucine. Doctor, I heard that you had to change the name of the book for censoring purposes. Dr. Harold Manfredini: Yes, I had to alter the title of the book so as not to offend anybody. The original name of the book was: Masturbation. Fred Prescott: That just doesn't make sense. Dr. Harold Manfredini: I know. I'm glad I changed it. Fred Prescott: Word has it over my earphones is that we are now under indictment for having used that particular word you just said, doctor. We'll be back on the air as soon as we pay the whopping fines. Goodnight. (host and doctor talking silently, then lights on board go out, and then lights in studio go out, due to investigation) (fade) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
