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Al Michaels...Darrell Hammond John Madden...Horatio Sanz David Webster...Chris Parnell (cut to super-graphic of Super Bowl XL promoted by ABC; close-ups to Michaels and Madden with mikes in hand as always) Al Michaels: And welcome to Super Bowl XL, brought to you from the jampacked Fort Field in Detroit, Michigan. I'm Al Michaels along side John Madden as the Pittsburgh Steelers take on the Seattle Seahawks in what will be a tremendous matchup. John Madden: Without a doubt, Al. These two teams overcame such adversity throughout this season, and I will not be surprised to se a close game here. Al Michaels: How do the two teams stand out today, John? John Madden: Well, the Steelers had to overcome several injuries in the middle of the season and bounced back. The Seahawks finished the season with a club record 13-3. Al Michaels: That didn't really answer my question, John. John Madden: I just read what the teleprompter tells me to read. (pauses and squints) Al. Al Michaels: It's okay. It can be overlooked because it is Super Bowl time. John Madden: Yeah, Super Bowl!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Al Michaels: Brought to you only by ABC. Now, joining us for a few moments is one of the most knowledgable sports minds out there, and Detroit's own David Webster. David, good to see you. David Webster: It's truly an honor to be here. Hi, Al. John, how are you? Al Michaels: Now, David, you have several important facts to give us today. David Webster: That's right, Al. The Steelers have the edge today over the Seahawks, since they have been to six Super Bowls and the opposing team has never been to one at all. Although, a moot point, it could play a big deal in the match. Al Michaels: Alright. David Webster: It should also be noted that Seattle quarterback Matt Hasslebeck is the only quarterback in NFL history to have a similar sounding last name to the word quarterback ever. John Madden: Well, I don't know if that's really a fact or trivia or statistics but... David Webster: It should also be noted that the away team in games for the last five years in 30-40 degree weather was 11-13. This could mean bad tidings for whoever loses the coin toss. Al Michaels: I really don't think that... David Webster: Also, it should be mentioned that Pittsburgh has three e's in their team name. Statistically, this is an advantage since three of four teams with three of the same vowels in their names have gone on to win the Super Bowl. Al Michaels: Thank you, David, for your insightful.... David Webster: On days when the wind is being blown to the east, any team with at least 20% of their uniforms covered in black will have a 3:1 advantage. John Madden: I think you should leave now and... David Webster: Keep in mind that any linebacker that ends up scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl will most likely go on to at least another playoff berth in their career. Al Michaels: Get him out of here. David Webster: As for barometric pressure.... (Webster is taken away off screen by giant cane that wisks him away) Al Michaels: We apologize, folks, for that debacle you have just witnessed. John Madden: Live television, you know. Al Michaels: Anyway, back to the game, and John, what do we need to see from the Seahawks to diminish any doubt from a loss today? (scroll goes by as they are talking: 56.3 percent of all teams with at least one player of Welsh descent will win at least one Super Bowl........In a Super Bowl game in which the weather had rain, teams with the heaviest defensive backs were 7 for 13.......50% of the time a coin will land on heads, the other half of the time it will land on tails...........) John Madden: The Seahawks crowd reaction at home games were a definite clincher as to their perfect home streak. They may find trouble against the Steelers defense, but youth and talent on Seattle may be the answer. Al Michaels: We should note that the scroll across the screen is not from us, and would best be ignored by all. (Webster comes back in and begins ranting again) David Webster: Did you know that the only Protestant quarterback to....? (Webster is suddenly shot in the chest) Not to worry, I have a bulletproof vest on. As I was saying.... (he is immediately shot again in the leg) Bulletproof underwear. Hoping to patent the idea in the coming months. Anyways....(shot is fired and clutches his face) AAAAHHHH!!!! MY FACE!!!!!!!!!! Al Michaels: Thank you, Detroit. (fade) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
