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Holly…Natalie Portman …Seth Meyers Tracy…Maya Rudolph Rocco…Finesse Mitchell …Chris Parnell …Darrell Hammond Announcer…Don Pardo (voice over) (Fade in) (A busy sidewalk where hookers try to scare up business) Holly: Hey baby, you want a party? I bet you do. Hey baby, you wanna party? Seth: Maybe. Holly: Well, you tell Holly what you want. Seth: How about you tell me what I want…and what I need. Holly: Well, looking at you, you look like the married man…married to the same woman for 6 or 7 years…the thrill is gone. She won’t go down on you. Seth: That’s pretty good. You’ve got a good read on people. Holly: Well, I am a high school graduate. Seth: Well, how much for a party…what I need? Holly: Well, looking at you, you got about $500 on you, but you’re only looking to spend about half that. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll rock your world…$150. Seth: I can’t do that. You’ve got a bad read on me. I’ve only got $50. (Walks away) (A fellow hooker walks up to Holly) Tracy: Hey Holly. How’s business tonight? Holly: Not too good. I think everyone’s depressed about this Dubai Ports thing going on. Tracy: What? I don’t understand a word you just said! Holly: Tracy, you didn’t graduate high school, did you? Tracy: What? Are you kidding? I didn’t even graduate miniature high school. Oh no! Rocco is coming! (Rocco, the pimp walks up) Rocco: Ladies, are you working hard or hardly working? (Laughs) Tracy: (nervously) Rocco, I think I might be pregnant. (Rocco slaps Tracy) Rocco: I’m not trying to hear that bitch! Tracy, lets go to the alley. Time to play the piper! (Rocco and Tracy leave; Holly stands on the corner as another “john” walks up) Holly: You wanna party, baby? Chris: I actually, I do. I’d like you to lick my balls. Holly: I understand. You’ve had your dog lick your balls before…and now you want a woman to do to compare the feeling. Chris: Wow! That’s really good. So how much? Holly: Is that all you want? Looking at you, you want a hand job, too. Chris: (shy) Yeah, I do. Holly: Well, baby, if you’ve got the money, honey, I got the time. (Chris & Holly leave; Rocco & Tracy re-appear) Rocco: Get back to work, bitch! You better have my money by the end of the night! (Rocco leaves) Tracy: God! I wish I had smaller breasts…then maybe I’d be “not stupider”! Announcer: This is Don Pardo saying, women with small breasts are smarter! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
